Confession Time

So I felt better after my last post, wherein I confessed to being scared of homeless people who talk to themselves. That got me thinking that perhaps it might be good for me to bare my soul about a few other facts about myself that I’m not necessarily super duper proud of, but that are true as the day is long and denying them is futile. Here’s what I got:

1) We all know I love Barbra, soft rock, show tunes, and classical music. But I also love me some gangsta rap songs... I mean really really love them, and some with truly indefensible lyrics. I can’t help it - they get me pumped up and they are absolutely essential when I work out. I don’t necessarily approve of the sentiments of the rappers, of course, but I have to listen to something upbeat and energetic when I’m exercising, right? I mean throw me a bone (Thugs n’ Harmony) here.

2) I secretly judge people for certain types of improper grammar.

The most egregious grammar offenses:

a) You’re v. your
b) It’s v. its
c) Using apostrophes to denote plurality (example: I have two dog’s, as opposed to one), and apostrophe abuse in general.

Now, I’m not saying I never make mistakes, because I do, and sometimes I take considerable artistic license with grammar on this blog (I like dashes, parentheses, and ellipses), because I feel that phrasing a sentence a certain way better expresses my point and my personal voice.

I’m also not necessarily offended by other types of technically incorrect grammatical phrasing, like dangling participles and ending sentences with prepositions, I mean, who doesn’t do that? I'm sure I make mistakes all the time and I'm not even aware that it's happening. In short, I'm not a grammar snob, BUT the repeated violation of a, b, and c get to me. If you have a problem with a, b, or c: get help.

3) I am pretty much incapable of wasting anything. Gavin thinks I somehow traveled back in time and lived through the Great Depression and then came back to the present and married him because I am so parsimonious with our money and if we buy something we better use it all the time. If it’s food, we better eat all of it.

With regard to household items and clothes, I tend to pathologically break the utility of things I buy down into units of one dollar. For example, if I’m going to spend $50 on that sweater, I need to know that I’m going to wear the sweater 50 times. If I’m going to spend $1,000 on a TV, then we are going to need to keep it long enough to watch at least 1000 hours of programming. I think it is a good system because it really makes you think before you purchase. This is why I go to the library: because under my system, it’s difficult to justify paying $25 for a book I will read one time. If I do have to buy a book (this only occurs under very limited circumstances, like when we need a travel book or my book club selection is not available at the ‘brary) I buy used from amazon.com. Yes, I’m deranged and possibly dangerous.

Honestly, I’m trying to relax a little bit about this, but it’s just me; I can’t help it. I can honestly say though, that it has helped me save a lot of money over the years. If anyone wants to psychoanalyze me, go for it.

4) There are at least ten (10) people from college who have friended me on facebook that I don't remember at all. I have no idea who they are but I am pretty sure we knew each other at some point because we have lots of mutual friends and it makes sense that we would have been pals once upon a time. I was pretty social in college so I'm sure at that point in my life I looooved these people and hung out with them at parties and stuff. This is my fault, not theirs. So I fake it. Sometimes it comes back to me after a few days, weeks, or months. Sometimes it doesn't.

5) Last night I ate ice cream directly from the carton.

Ahhhh confession is good for the soul.