Social Notworking

So everyone pretty much knows I love Facebook. Really I just straight up love the internet, because how else would I be able to spew my vitriol to potentially infinite numbers of people without my blog and FB? Without the internet I’d be lost, a much more frustrated malcontent, instead of the temporarily sated one I am today. But enough about me.

I love FB because I have reconnected with a plethora of folks from my past that I thought I’d never hear from again, mostly from college and law school. It’s not that I didn’t want to keep in touch with these cats, but you see, and this may come as a surprise to you, I’ve always been a bit of a social butterfly. I made a lot of friends at old AU and FSU, and I always figured it would just be impossible to keep up with them all. Enter Facebook. What a magical invention, bringing people back together, like when Moses parted the red sea, but in reverse.

Of course, FB isn’t perfect, you have to be careful or it will steal your life. And sometimes, things get awkward. If you’ve been on FB long enough you know what I’m talking about. Here is a list of the top uncomfortable situations FB generates.

1) You accept a friend and then almost immediately regret it because of the inane status updates this person insists on punishing the FB world with. I have had to “call the drop” sorority-rush style on several FB friends because of this balderdash. Green to keep, red to drop. Red. It may be harsh, but I like to participate when Jeopardy comes on, and therefore I don’t have brain cells to waste reading status updates having to do with the regularity of your child’s bowel movements. Gross me out.

2) Someone posts something on a friend’s wall that clearly should have been sent as a private message, but since it’s on the wall, everyone can read the private/inappropriate thought. Awwwwkward. But sometimes awesome.

3) Someone tags you in a photo and you immediately have to untag yourself because you don’t look awesome.

4) Quizzes, applications, random requests for random stuff like roundhouse kicks and drinks and mafia names. WTF. I’m a purist. I’m just here to communicate.

5) Friends’ parents on FB. Inevitably, a grown-up will eventually want to friend you. When this happens, you will find yourself teetering precariously on the horns of a dilemma. Sure, you can restrict their access to your pics, but still. What about your hilarious and sarcastic status updates that let’s face it, they probably just won’t get? But if you don’t accept them, you will potentially hurt their feelings. Quandary. Chances are, though, that these folks will tire quickly of the newfangled invention. You just have to wait them out. Or decide to not care.

But overall, yay for Facebook.