Saaaaad.

So I recently found out that another one of the brilliant Golden Girls cast ensemble has gone four paws to the moon: Bea Arthur, who brilliantly portrayed the gloriously sarcastic Dorothy Zbornak. I thought I’d do a tribute to her, like the one I did for Sophia when she bought a pine condo last year.

Dorothy truly was the queen of the one-liners. Bea Arthur was hilarious in that role and thankfully the show is still going strong on Lifetime. I thought a good way to remember BA’s work would be to quote a few of my favorite lines. Finding these really brought me back to why I love this show.

Sophia: I need the money for my old age.
Dorothy: Old age? You don't leave fingerprints anymore.

Dorothy: You'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which rendered her totally annoying.

Dorothy: [to Sophia] You're a furry little gnome and we feed you too much.

Sophia: My hiney's asleep.
Dorothy: Fine, we'll keep our voices down.

Dorothy: [to Sophia] Get back here, you deceitful little Sicilian gecko.

Rose: I don't think lying is really a good idea. I once cut school and that proved very bad.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose. We've all cut school. It couldn't have been that bad.
Rose: Oh, yes it was. That was the day they taught EVERYTHING.
Dorothy: The final piece of the puzzle.

[Sophia wants a new TV, but Dorothy plans to use the money to pave the driveway over]
Sophia: And what will I do when every other old lady on the block is watching The Cosby Show?
Dorothy: Well, Ma, I guess you can sit on the new driveway and hope an amusing black family comes along.

Sophia: No offense, pussycat.
Dorothy: None taken, you cankerous little prune.

Dorothy [to Sophia]: Now look here... You withered old Sicilian monkey.

Blanche: Dorothy, this is crazy! Since when do you care how you look?
Dorothy: I think it started when I came down from the bell tower and had my hump fixed.

Dorothy: [after Blanche and Rose meanly point out the flaws in her body] Why don't I just wear a sign that says, "Too Ugly To Live?

Dorothy: (After receiving Rose's gift of a whittled maple syrup spigot) This will come in a lot handier than those pearl earrings... the next time I'm lost in the woods with a stack of pancakes.

Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Better than anyone I know.

Blanche: What does one wear to a sperm bank?
Dorothy: Something attractive in rubber.
Blanche: I have that.

Blanche: Dorothy, at 2am in the morning, I was entertaining a gentleman caller. She walked in on me at the most inopportune time. I could have lost my balance and chipped a tooth.
Rose: You think that's bad? She came into my room when I was reenacting the plank-walking scene from Peter Pan.
Dorothy: What the hell goes on in this house at night?

Rose: I found out that Baked Alaska can be baked locally.
Dorothy: Rose, I’ve got an even bigger scoop for you. Mars Bars are made right here on earth.

Dorothy: Back off, Blanche! Not all of us are classified by the Navy as a friendly port.

There are a lot more where these came from. Here’s to you, BA in all your smartass glory. You taught me so much about irreverent humor. This bud’s for you.