About that last post...

Yeah....I was in a pretty foul mood yesterday when I blogged that last post. I usually try to keep things light and breezy on this blog but yesterday I just needed to vent about the things that p*ss me off and so that's what I did.

The problem is, sometimes I think that complaining is throwing out negative energy, and that's not fair to everyone else. But then, other times, I appreciate when others vent, because I often agree, and think, "Yeah, right on! Thank you for validating my own feelings!"

In any event, today, since I'm feeling more like myself, I decided to blog about the things I like instead of the things I hate, to maintain the karmic balance.

1) Receiving flowers. This is one of my all-time favorites!!

2) Hugs - bring it in for the real thing and don't expect me to do the "back pat" and let go first.

3) Perfume and cologne. ahhhhhh I love it when someone passes by me wearing a great scent. It perks me up and makes me happier, kind of like an olfactory high-five.

4) Lottery scratch-off tickets. I don't play that often, and I don't always win the scratchies, but that split second of "what if" before you start scratchin' is worth the $1 or $2 to me. I've won enough times to validate the hopeful split-second. And it goes to education (supposedly), so all in good fun.

5) Chocolate chip cookies (in any form - including but not limited to cookie cake, cookie bars, and blondies). Nothing in the dessert world tops these things, folks. Nothing.

Well I could list more, but off I must go to bring home the bacon. I hope everyone has a great 4th of July weekend!!! I'll be in touch.... ta!

I Emerge.

Ok, I know I haven't blogged in two weeks, and you are all clamoring for the return of my pithy wit. I won't go into detail, but the fact is that the past two weeks have been trying ones for me and blogging has been the last thing on my mind. I am emerging from my self-imposed seclusion, however, and I live to blog another day.

Ahem. We finished the floors in our living room! They look great and it only took 3 days. With the new paint and new floors, the room looks so much bigger and brighter. I'll have to post some pics when I get around to snapping them.

So get this. I have decided that I love the show Scrubs. I've been watching it for years but only recently have appreciated its quirkiness. I love the janitor, the blonde neurotic female doctor character, Dr. Cox's crazy ex-wife, and the eternal bro-mance between Turk and J.D. One thing I can't stand is the J.D. character. He is over-the-top goofy and annoying (although I do like his Floating Head Doctor daydreams).

Speaking of pet peeves, here is but a short list of mine. I feel like venting.

1) When people say "same difference" when two objects or situations are practically identical. "Same difference" is an oxymoron, ass.

2) When people say "apropos" or get even friskier and say "apropos nothing." What the h*ll does this even mean? I don't appreciate having to google words and phrases just to follow a conversation, so cut that out right now. Terrible.

3) When I'm at the gym, and it's not crowded, so I've chosen a nice isolated elliptical machine where I can sweat and stretch out and rap along to my ipod in complete isolation like a person as white as me should, and someone walks by rows of empty ellipticals just to hop on the one right next to me. WTF. Really? Not okay!

4) The stinky lady at the gym. See number 3.

5) Morning news shows that consist of 90% commercials, 5% cooking demonstrations, 2% news and 3% rushed interviews where people don't get to complete their sentences before cutting to commercials. Really? Are the lingering 5-second shots of the Manhattan skyline at every commercial break really that important that you can't let your guest answer the question you just asked? Rude-ass!

6) When people say "woulda, shoulda, coulda..." Shut the h*ll up-a. Stupid-ass.

7) Hardees commercials. No one likes your burgers. You're not going to sell any. Quit killing my brain cells with your black-and-white artsy shat depicting construction workers fawning over your 100% Angus gruel and then taking huge disgusting bites without a napkin in sight. We all have our strengths - bake your damn biscuits and call it a day.

Ok, well I feel better already - wow! Good to be back - ta!

Weekend Recap

Well this was a very productive weekend in the Burgess house. Gavin and I painted our entire downstairs this weekend! We just decided we wanted a lighter color, so we went to Lowe’s, picked out a great color, and painted away. It was a labor-intensive job, since it was just the two of us, but we had fun spending time together and at the end we were very satisfied with a job well done.

We also Taco-sat this weekend! That is always fun, because little Taco is hilarious, especially when he interacts with our dogs. He has these little tiny paws and likes to prance around the place like he’s in a marching band. It’s hilarious.

We also learned something about the bark collar. Turns out, that when Taco barks, Maddie gets poofed in the face. We had the dogs penned up upstairs while we painted, so we realized this far too late. To make things worse, Taco was particularly barky on this visit, so poor Maddie kept getting poofed undeservedly all day on Saturday! I finally realized it when I was upstairs changing my clothes after painting and witnessed the poof injustice with my own eyes. Needless to say that I felt TERRIBLE. Poor Maddie had been doing so well, and here this other dog prances by barking and she’s the one who gets poofed in the face for it. SAD!!!! I immediately removed the collar snuggled with Maddie extra that night.

Let’s see... what else. Oh - this weekend Gavin and our pal Alan are going to put in some new flooring in our living room - it’s going to look great with the new floors and the new paint - so exciting! Alan just successfully put down new floors in his whole house, so he knows what he’s doing and we are so appreciative to him for helping us! I’ll probably go shopping while they are doing that.

Finally, check out some of the blogs I have listed on the side of my blog. The "Stuff White People Like" and the "Passive-Aggressive Notes" blogs are pretty entertaining if you’re bored. Ta for now....

Bad Idea Jeans

Does anyone remember the early 90's Saturday Night Live fake-commercial skit about Bad Idea Jeans? It was great, and it was back in the heyday of SNL, when they had really talented people on and most things they did were funny.

Essentially, the commercial consisted of a group of guys in matching acid-washed jeans talking to their friends about things they were going to do, and then the words BAD IDEA would appear on the screen.

For example, Phil Hartman would say: Well, he's an ex free-base addict, and he's trying to turn his life around, and he needs a place to stay for a couple of months.

BAD IDEA.

Mike Myers: Now that I have kids, I feel much better having a gun in the house.

BAD IDEA.

Another Phil Hartman: You know, I've thought about it, and even though it's over, I'm going to tell my wife about the affair.

BAD IDEA.

And my favorite, David Spade's character: Normally I wear protection, but then I thought, “When am I gonna make it back to Haiti?”

BAD IDEA.

Then at the end of the commercial, the logo above would appear and the announcer would say BAD IDEA JEANS. It was classic. Check out the video here.

So recently, some other children of the 80s and 90s and I have had some fun coming up with our own BIJ remarks. For example, my cousin-in-law Giffin came up with this one that made me laugh....

"You know, after working dead end jobs and living paycheck to paycheck for the past decade, I'm finally going to make something of myself by going back to school and getting my philosophy degree."

BAD IDEA.

Anyway, I just wanted to take you down memory lane with me if you are in my age bracket. Oh, and if anyone can come up with a new BAD IDEA I would love to hear it - don't be shy....

Big Brown? More like Let Down.

So who saw Big Brown blow it in the Belmont Stakes this weekend? I was personally pretty bummed out for B.B. Brown was my maiden name, after all, and I like to see a family member succeed. We also have the same initials and similar hair color, so I felt a certain kinship with this horse and was disappointed to see him come in DEAD A*S LAST. It's so interesting to me that no horse has won the triple crown in my lifetime. It seems like these horses just get exhausted in that last (and longest) race and can't close the deal. Oh well. After it was over I got out and did some yardwork, so the day wasn't a total loss.

Also, this weekend our dear pals Adam and Vica and their Boxer doggy Roger came to visit from Hotlanta! They actually didn't come into town just to visit us, but they stayed with us, so that was fun. Gavin and I got to Roger-sit a little bit while they went to a children's birthday party and it was fun watching Maddie and Sugs interact with a male dog of normal size. A and V also introduced us to a whole new world of late-night Japanese obstacle course shows, where basically you just watch Japanese people bust a*s one after another on styrofoam, polyurethane padding, and water. We had a great time visiting - thanks for coming to town, guys! This is their little family:

Let's see - this week. Well, tomorrow I get to spend the whole day outside in the blazing heat for work, so that will be good. This location also has limited restroom availability, so that's another plus. Then I head straight from the desert down to Tampa (also for work) - another rental car - yay! This week is starting off with a bang for sure. After that it calms down, I think.

Friends, I'm cooking up a blog post about the election. As I'm sure you're not surprised, I have some opinions about the subject. I think I know who is going to win, but I choose not to disclose my prediction until I gather up all my information to support it. I may end up changing my mind, but I think I have my finger on the pulse of the American people for this one. In the past I have had pretty good instincts about how people will vote at the end of the day. Yes, I supported Ron Paul, but if you will recall, I also explained to you all that I knew all along he wasn't going to win anything and how that wasn't the point. So I hope that doesn't damage my credibility. Have I ever led you astray? Stay tuned...

Bark Collar Review

Well, so far the citronella-spraying bark collar is working! It's pretty funny, actually. Here's how we introduced the idea to Maddie. We had to figure out a way to test it, so we put the collar on her, then Gavin went outside to ring the doorbell - a surefire way to ignite a barking frenzy. I stayed inside with Maddie in case she got scared or something went wrong. Sure enough, as soon as Madness heard the door bell she started a-barkin'.... then, a soft *poof!* Confusion.... wait - what... what was that?? Maddie was so confused. She definitely stopped barking and just started looking around and sniffing the air. Next doorbell ring - a single bark, an immediate *poof*... more startled confusion. But NO BARKING!! Gavin rang the doorbell a few more times - Maddie just paced around impatiently but did not bark!!!

One definite bonus - the collar also works for whining! Another way to ensure a Maddie meltdown is simply to put her in the car - she whines really loud and barks the whole time. We put her in the car, and again, true to form, she let out a whine - poof - silence and confusion. A bark - poof - silence and quiet pacing. It's working!! The best part is that it doesn't seem to hurt her - just to confound her and maybe annoy her a little bit, but I have a hard time feeling bad about that. The shoe is finally on the other paw.

We kept it on her until we went to bed that night. Maddie likes to whine to get attention, treats, her way, anything. She tried that a few times, and got poofed. Gavin and I had to laugh - revenge! Anyway, we don't keep it on her constantly because it is kind of big and bulky.... I think we will mainly use it for bark-rich environments and circumstances. I will keep you posted on our progress, but so far so good!!

Sex and the City Movie Review!

OMG. BEST MOVIE EVER. Not an exaggeration! I cried 3 times (I thought it was 2 but then my pal Mary who went with me reminded me of another part where I def cried so it was 3) and laughed my a*s off about 50 times. If you haven't surmised, I was very sassified by this movie. Go see it!!! I'll see it again if anyone wants to go - call me!

I saw this movie the night it opened, and let me tell you that the theater was PACKED with drunk, rowdy chicks, hooting at the screen, clapping, cheering, etc. Mary and I were not among them, as we scurried from work to the food court and had no time for pre-show drinky-poos. Alas. Anyway, it was fun to observe my fellow femininity having such a great time, but the person behind me (must have been in high school) who yelled at the screen at inappropriate 5 minute intervals quickly began to chafe my goodwill, and that of my cohorts. After about the third stupid comment, I heard about 150 shhhhh's issue forth all at once. The look on her face was priceless - like she was shocked to find out that she was not funny. I found this moment of humiliation truly hilarious.

We also witnessed a near beat-down on the way into the theater. We had been waiting in the absurdly long line to get into the theater, and we were about midway between the early birds and the late kates. As we began to shuffle in to choose our seats, a rude threesome butted right in front of us. We were definitely annoyed but I don't do confrontation so I didn't say anything. The gals in front of us, however, stood up for us and everyone behind us by telling off the butting threesome. The situation quickly deteriorated into an argument about whose Mama has better manners. Amusing! If I only knew that girl's name, I would give her name specific snaps in a circle.

Oh let's see... what else. Went to a wedding yesterday in Gainesville, Florida. It was so fun! A word about Gainesville. I have lived in FL my whole life (except for college), and have been to all different parts of Florida during the summer months. However, I have always maintained that Gainesville is undoubtedly the hottest place in Florida (weather-wise, of course... the title of "hottest" otherwise would have to go to Key West) year after year. I don't know how those people do it. Anyhoo. The reception was nice and air conditioned, so comfortable was I.

Well, that about recaps the weekend - we didn't get a chance to try the bark collar on Maddie, maybe tonight.... ta for now!