Meet The Burgii

New picture

2010-03-12T05:46:00.001-08:00

Ok, I realize Christmas is over and also that we spawned, so, after being called out for the obsolete header picture by numerous sources, I decided to update.

Of course I have been meaning to do this, but the reason I had not done so is severalfold. First, I have no pictures of Gavin, myself, the shorty, and the fur, all together. It is just too challenging to get everyone looking at the camera, and if I can't get a good shot, I don't want one. So, just like in our Christmas card picture this year, the fur got the boot. See below.

As a side note, it was funny to watch the dogs observe us taking our Christmas card picture without them. As you may or may not know, they hate clothes, and therefore super hate the Christmas card picture-taking process. But I super love dogs in clothes, and animals in clothes in general, so I would win this battle, year after year. In fact, Maddie has been in every Christmas card picture with me, sporting a sweater, since 2002. The first two cards were of just the two of us. Then in 2004 we added Gavin and Sugarbear. I should do a retrospective.... blog for another time.

Anyway, this year, as we took multiple pictures without even attempting to get them in, I could almost see the thought process play out in Maddie's tiny little terrier mind. It went something like this.

"What the frak? We're not in the Christmas card picture! Yayyyyy..... Wait a tic..... we're not in the Christmas card picture.... hmmm." I think this was the moment she ultimately realized things had changed around here. Sugarbear is still oblivious. To everything.

So anyway, I guess in the near future I'll try to get a pic with the whole fam. I will probably need help with this.

Second, Elise is always changing. The above picture is several weeks old and she looks different already. So I'll have to stay on top of this.

Meanwhile, here are some pics of the fur, just to keep them on the page. Happy Friday everyone!

Back in the Saddle

2010-03-11T06:03:00.000-08:00

So I've been back at work for almost three weeks now! Everything is going very well. Elise loves "school" and I have really enjoyed being back amongst society, where I can litigate with reckless abandon and spread my good cheer to all those around me. You're welcome, world!

Parenthood continues to fascinate. I generally think I'm a good parent. After all, my shorty is a little chunkster, so she is obviously well fed. She's also very healthy (knock on wood) and usually in a pretty good mood. But every so often I get a whiff that I might not be supermom after all.

For example, observe the following transcript of a recent conversation with my sister Nikki, who is a supermom. Note that this conversation took place while I was still on maternity leave. Ahem.

Nikki: So how are things going with Elise?

Me: Great - she is such a fun little buddy.

Nikki: Are you playing all those baby Einstein and Baby Can Read dvd's for her nonstop?

Me: Oooh... no...

Nikki: Why not?

Me: She likes CNBC.

Nikki: Hmm. Well are you playing all those stimulating baby music cd's in your car for her?

Me: No...

Nikki: What does she like to listen to?

Me: Whatever is shuffling on my Ipod.

Nikki: *crickets*

Ok, so maybe I'm not the greatest at remembering to stimulate her mind with the latest and greatest baby stimulating inventions, but I think that early exposure to stock market and commodity analysis as well as all different types of music could be equally beneficial, and that's my theory.

What else. Oh yes. I had to complete some paperwork for Elise's school. It was clear that some of the questions were probably more geared towards parents of older children, but I did the best I could. For example, see the following questions, and my answers.

What are your child's special interests? Breastfeeding, exersaucering, sucking on her hands, looking at her hands, batting things with her hands.

Is she enrolled in a special group? We used to go to a breastfeeding support group once a week.

Favorite toys? Hands.

Favorite TV programs? CNBC.

Favorite foods? Breast milk (body temperature), whatever is on her hands.

How does she play with other children? She sits near them and sucks on her hands.

Do you see where I'm going with this? Elise is 15 weeks old, should she be doing a lot more than the above listed activities? She does other things of course. She smiles and laughs all the time. She sits in her bumbo and/or exersaucer, reaches for toys attached to her exersaucer, and she loves anything that makes noise, but I have to admit, other than that she's still pretty limited. I've read some books, and developmentally we seem to be on track, but still. Things like this make me wonder.

Well, anyway, here's a pic of us last weekend, as we headed out to an equestrian event here in town. Elise had fun looking at the horsies, and Gavin had fun being the kangaroo. Don't send me hate mail, please, I promise we had a jacket for her, which we put on her once we got into the shade. Enjoy!

Drama-lympic love.

2010-02-17T11:09:00.000-08:00

So... I recently realized that, between the Olympics and CNBC, NBC Universal owns me. Actually, I began the CNBC weaning process today, limiting myself to Squawk on the Street only while I was getting ready to go this morning, and to half of Street Signs and only the first few minutes of Closing Bell. I thought it was appropriate for Lent. It went ok. Erin Burnett and Maria Bartiromo do not help me when they insist on making witty and insightful comments that I agree with. Damn you, CNBC and your qualified anchors. I'm taking it one day at a time.

And how 'bout those Olympics. I love them and all their delicious drama. I blogged about this in 2008 too. Allow me to supplement that post now.

1) The opening ceremonies, watching the cute little tiny countries march in with their cute little tiny contingents that have no realistic chance of earning a medal, or in Olympic parlance, "medaling." I think my best shot at getting into the Olympics is to obtain dual citizenship from one of these tiny nations, become a mediocre competitor, make the team, and be one of the 5 people to march in. At least I'd get to go and march, get a free brightly-colored parka, see the sights, meet some interesting folks, look cute in sweaters and stay in the "village." That's all I really want.

2) The dramatic back story profiles of the athletes. I love every soggy, gooey, musical montage-laden second. You know exactly what I'm talking about. NBC parties like it's 1998, rolling out soundtrack clips from Rudy, Forrest Gump, Hoosiers, Chariots of Fire, and sometimes even Titanic. Then they parade pictures and slow motion videos of the athlete as an embattled child. Usually the pictures/video show the athlete with at least one deceased relative. All this occurs while Matt Lauer tells the tale of triumph over adversity. *tears* *sniffle* *sob* *choke* .... gets me every time, folks. Bravo NBC.

3) The Barbra soundtrack that I find myself enjoying night after night with the skating competition. First it was "Send in the Clowns", then, "The Way We Were." Then last night it was "Yentl." If someone skates to "You Don't Send Me Flowers" ... I. will. just. die.

4) Curling. This could be my new career and my ticket to the 2014 party. I could so curl. I want to do the scrub-a-dub-dub part, which is clearly the more dangerous role, but I'm not particularly prone to injury, so it's ok. Research reveals that my new career thrives in Wisconsin and North Dakota. Well, geographic obstacles will not deter me.

Hope everyone is enjoying the games!

Latest obsessions.

2010-02-16T06:35:00.000-08:00

So…. I’m obsessed with CNBC. I know this is random and I can’t explain how I got here but I pretty much watch this channel 24/7. It's bad. Yesterday was President's Day so the markets weren't trading and I was tremendously annoyed. I’m home with the shorty all day, and as much as I love that snuglet, at 12 weeks she is not the greatest conversationalist of all time. So until I start lawyering again next week, CNBC is helping me exercise the old brain. I majored in accounting in college, but I minored in barely paying attention, so it wasn’t until CNBC came into my life that I became the financial expert that now blogs before you. Stocks, commodities, bonds. I totally speak the language now.

I like to report what I’ve learned to the husby and to other actual people on the rare occasions I encounter them. I know all the anchors and I’m pretty sure we could be best friends. Especially Mark Haines and Erin Burnett, who come on at 9 a.m. and do their show right from the New York Stock Exchange. Their show is def my favorite at this moment and I want to have drinks with them reaaaaal bad. I could write them stalker letters. I won’t, but I could. Who wouldn’t want to be my friend? I’m interesting, right? I can talk about lots of things, like my theories on how pandas and polar bears garner so much media attention and how I get all pet peevey when people use “chock full of” as a descriptive expression. Ok, this is how I know I really need to get back to work. In fact, I’m going to start weaning myself from CNBC or it could be painful. I just decided. I'm lying to myself... I'll play "call the close" today.

The shorty likes CNBC too.

What else, what else. Oh yes, my other, newer obsession is the Olympics. I want to be in the Olympics. Help me pick a sport. Not luge. It’s not too late for me - I’m 30, but a spry 30. I could do something like curling, probably. Do not delay with suggestions because I do need to start training. Thank you.

Racing the meltdown

2010-01-14T10:30:00.000-08:00

Well, the shorty and I went on another shopping excursion yesterday, this time to our normal WalMart and then to Publix. She got her usual amount of adulation, and balance in the universe was restored.

I came to the realization, however, that any outing is nothing but a race against the inevitable baby meltdown.

As it turns out, the attention span of a 7 week old baby is remarkably brief. The length of any nap time is also obnoxiously unpredictable. This should have been foreseeable. But, honestly, when I was pregnant, I had such fantasies of going places, doing things, visiting people, seeing the world (town) with a placid little baby. Erroneous!

Love that girl, though! Enjoy the pic of her in her pink giraffe robe!

You don't write me blog posts.... you don't sing me love songs...

2009-12-21T12:29:00.001-08:00

Well, I'm back! I do apologize for my extended absence, friends. I have a 6 week old baby and basically I'm a walking movable feast, acting as her 24-hour buffet, and being food can sap the sarcastic energy on which this blog thrives right out of a person.

Speaking of Elise, love love love that girl. She's hilarious and way cute. Right before she cries she does this tiny little kitten cough thing. So it's *kitten cough**kitten cough*... WAHHHH. Really cute.

In recent weeks the sleep schedule has compromised my sanity. As in, I would either get 3 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period (famine), or 6 or 7 (feast). She's doing better now (fingers crossed) but I will never take sleep for granted ever ever again.

That said, the shorty and I have pretty much confined ourselves to the house so far. The reason for this is twofold. First, she hasn't had her vaccines yet, and second, going anywhere with a tiny baby is such a huge production with all the stuff I have to bring that it's usually easier to stay home and have Gavin do my bidding. However, I'm finally getting antsy. So today we decided we were going to go out and do stuff. I love to do stuff with Elise, because people will almost always compliment me on how cute she is. It's a nice golden parachute from the attention I got as a preg, when everyone opened doors for me all the time. See how I only remember the good stuff? That is so typical me.

Anyhoo, we went two places today: Toys R Us to get a Baby Bjorn baby carrier thing and WalMart to do our grocery shopping.

First stop, Toys R Us. I walk in with Elise and immediately everyone in the store starts ooing and ahhing over her in her cute little pink outfit and hat and her big blue eyes, etc. Appropriate. As expected. Thank you, thank you.

Next stop, WalMart. Elise is really bringing it, because she's hanging out (quite literally) in her new carrier on my chest and looking all around with aforementioned big blue eyes and I could barely keep my eyes off her myself in all her glorious cuteness.

It wasn't our usual WalMart, but when you go anywhere with my particular shorty, you're basically on borrowed time until she has a meltdown, so I went to the one closest to Toys R Us, which also happens to be the one filled with the surliest group of folks in Tallahassee. No one said anything to me about how awesome my baby is except one nice old couple. WTF. I was so confused. I won't tell Elise about this. She loved WalMart, by the way. I think it was all the colorful packaging and socioeconomic mingling that kept her so rapt.

Anyway, here are some pics of her for your viewing amusement. She's so way cuter than the baby panda in San Diego that is trying to steal her glory.

Going to visit Daddy at work. She prefers warm weather clothes. Actually, she prefers to be naked. But it's like 20 degrees right now, so I have to bundle her up. As you can see, she loves that.

Pensive. Vaguely amused.

Watching the crackling fire. Planning world domination.

Displaying annoyance with the paparazzi.

See you soon!

She's here!

2009-12-01T19:15:00.000-08:00

Wow, well I have so much to tell you! First of all, check out my baby's cuteness. I cannot even tell you how obsessed with her I am. I could stare at her all the time. She is actually a really good baby, too. Even when she fusses, I can almost always calm her down by sticking my boob in her face. She is a total chow hound.

Anyway, on to the birth story... on Sunday night (Nov. 22), we checked into the hospital so that I could get the cervidil to help dilate my cervix. Well, it worked! The next morning I was between 2 and 3 cm dilated, and I was having contractions. At this point I said, "I would like my epidural now, please." And I got it. I could still feel a lot "down there" but it helped enough with my contractions that I was pretty satisfied, and it turned out that because I had some feeling in certain lady parts, I was able to participate more in the pushing process.

Anyway, so after the epidural, we waited for me to continue dilating. I had more contractions, and as they got stronger, I felt a lot of pressure, and my sweet husby helped me breathe through them, just like we learned in class. My sister Nikki was also there helping coach us through them by reading the monitor and telling us when to start and stop the breathing to get the most benefit. Having her there after she had the benefit of going through 2 births of her own was really valuable to us. Once we got to 10 cm and I started pushing, our other family members retreated to the waiting room and Nikki and Gavin stuck with me, one on either side, for the duration. Nikki counted off my pushing and coached me through how to push, which isn't as instinctive as you might think. Big huge props to Nikki. It was surreal scary at this point, knowing that this was it.

Anyway, I pushed and pushed and pushed for a few hours, but the baby just wasn't moving enough. My doctor let me tough it out for a while but then told me that unless we could get her to move within the next few contractions, she wasn't going to move, and we were going to have to have a c-section. After going through all of that and exhausting myself with pushing, the last thing I wanted was to have to call it a day and go to the OR, so I gave it everything I had. The doctor also used a vacuum extractor and together we popped her out! It was the most amazing thing to see her for the first time! Here are some pics!

Bouncing on the yoga ball with Daddy (this really soothes her).

First baby-tub bath! We thought she would hate this but she actually liked it. We think she is going to be either an Olympic swimmer or a regular bather. We will take either.

In her swing! She LOVES this thing and will stay in there for hours between feedings. It is probably the most used item we own at the moment. Yayyy swing!

So that's our birth story! Every day is turning out to be an adventure when we learn something new about Elise. She is so funny and cute, no matter what, and we will basically do anything and everything to make her happy. She rules our house with little tiny pink-mittened iron fists of fury. More pics and posts to come about her, no doubt.

BIG props to my parents for staying with us since the birth and helping us get a handle on this parenting thing and special props to my mom for helping me get my breastfeeding established with all her experience and advice. Finally, thanks to everyone else for all the well wishes and support over this past week and two days! We did it, team!

Updates, updates

2009-11-21T08:11:00.000-08:00

Hey folks. Well, here I am, 6 days post due-date and STILL EFFING PREGNANT.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, however, because tomorrow night I check into the hospital to start the induction process. Yayyyyy! It's obvious that this baby is not coming out unless we flush her out like we're on a quail hunt or something. Actually I have known this for a while - I feel validated that the doctors now realize it too...

Sooo anyway, we go in tomorrow night, at which time they'll give me some meds to get my cervix dilating and then the next morning they start the pitocin. It could be a long haul after that, but we'll see... rest assured that as soon as it's all over and I have pictures of the beeeeby I'll post them right away. We're bringing a laptop, so hey, if things are slow enough, we may even update the blog along the way.

Right now I cannot even explain to you how ready I am to get this process going. The baby is more frequently positioning herself riiiight up against my sciatic nerve on the right, which is excruciating, and my back is killing me on the left side too! My top speed is "slow waddle" and I am just so unbelievably ready to get this show on the road. I think this is nature's way of preparing women for the hardship of childbirth. Look at all this wisdom I'm dropping. Actually I'm just delirious.

So that's the update - not much else to report, because this issue has pretty much taken over my life! Hopefully by the next post there will be more Burgii in the house than ever before. Keep us in your prayers!

It's Friday the 13th and my cervix needs a pep talk.

2009-11-13T08:02:00.000-08:00

So, first things first, still preg. I went to the doctor this week and my cervix is still pretty much the same as my last appointment - 1 centimeter dilated and about 75-80% effaced, which is better than nothing of course, but not enough action to make induction a possibility before 41 weeks. Grrrrrr.

I shouldn't complain too much. My due date is Sunday, and I'm really ok with waiting the full 40 weeks. But I am starting to get annoyed with my cervix. Really cervix? We can't work together as a team? Not even now, when it's showtime and your big moment to shine? The truth is, I haven't asked much of you up till pregnancy - you've enjoyed an easy ride. Now when I need some cooperation, you decide to clam up. All of my other lady parts have been there for me. Unacceptable.

Anyway, I go back to the doctor on Tuesday for another check-up. Keep your fingers crossed that someone decides to be a team player, ahem.

My birthday was great! We went out with some friends to a very nice dinner, and Gavin got me a kickass spa package. He says I will need it once the baby's born, which at this rate is looking like Christmas, New Years.... at this rate we'll miss the tax deduction cutoff and that will REALLY piss me off! I'm predicting Christmas Eve, 2009, 12 lbs, 3.5 oz. The perfect 3 month old.

Other than that, it is shaping up to be a great weekend, with beautiful weather and entertaining football games. I am going to make the most of it with some quality time with Gavin and the dogs. I'll let you know if anything interesting develops.....

Dirty Thirty

2009-11-06T07:11:00.001-08:00

HAHAHA - I'm def not adopted, but it is my birthday and I thought this pic was funny.

Well, folks, here I am - 30 years old and still young and spry as ever. Ok, maybe definitely not so spry at the moment, but I'm hoping to regain my spryness very soon. I thought turning 30 would be a drag, but really, it feels good. It's like ripping off a band-aid and realizing, hey, that wasn't so bad.

One thing that helps is that I can say without reservation that I made the most of my 20s. I really lived it up in my 20s, folks, and Hallelujah for that. My mom always says that time will pass no matter what you do, so you have to make the most of it.

Someone also told me a long time ago to get up and do things when I got the opportunity, even if I felt like staying home and being lazy or taking the more comfortable route, because I'll never regret having the experience. At the time, something inside me perked up and thought, this is great advice, so I took it.

So here are some of the greatest hits of my 20s, in no particular order.

1. Marriage! I married Gavin just 3 months shy of my 25th birthday, and now I look back and think - wow, I was a child bride. But it was the best decision I ever made. It's been such a great ride so far. I love him more and more every day and here we are about to pop out a puppy! I love you heeeeeeny!

2. Trips with friends to fun places! (NYC thrice, Vegas twice, New Orleans twice, Key West twice, San Antonio, Denver, football road trips to Nashville, Birmingham, Atlanta, Auburn, Tuscaloosa, Athens, etc.)

There was a time when I felt a tiny bit guilty taking these trips, because I may have had homework (during college or law school) or perhaps the responsible thing would have been to stay home and study or do laundry, but I stuck to my philosophy and went anyway. Sometimes I just packed Maddie up and took her with me. Looking back, those memories are priceless. I took a lot of these trips in law school, so much so that Gavin called me "Miss Goes-out-of-town-a-lot." He has a way with nicknames. We were courting then, so I think he just missed me.

All I can say is that you really are only young (like that) once, with that kind of freedom and energy, and when I look back, I remember the things I did, not the things I perhaps "should have" been doing at home. I guess they all got done somehow.

Props to Gavin for encouraging me to take all the "girl" trips I have taken over the years - he never put up a fuss about the money I spent or the time I spent away from him - thanks Bear!

3. Family trips! My fam knows how to travel - Canada, California, the UK, Utah, NYC, such great times and memories with loved ones. Also, my trip with Gavin to Italy was something I'll never ever forget.

4. Study abroad program! 6 weeks in Oxford England, with backpacking jaunts to various places in Europe on the weekends, including Amsterdam, London, Dublin, Belfast, Paris, always staying in inexpensive and sometimes scary hostels. I was so lucky to be able to do that with a group of pals from law school. I had practically no money, and barely got home by the skin of my dad's Visa card for "emergencies only", but I had the time of my life.

5. Sports car! Glad I rocked the convertible sportscar for a couple years - it was something I always wanted to do and loved every minute of it.

6. Career! I have been really fortunate to have had great and challenging jobs with excellent mentors and fun opportunities. It's been demanding at times, but, to my own shock, being a lawyer has suited me well, and I'm really happy with where I am now.

7. Baby! I have wondered throughout this pregnancy whether my last hurrah as a 20-something would be to have a baby. How very silly of me. Elise loves my uterus - it must be like a 5-star hotel in there or something. It's ok, though - it will be a great way to kick off the thirties.

It hasn't all been smooth sailing, but it's true what they say, that when you look back on your life, you remember the good things, so hang in there. Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. I really really really hope to be posting about a birth verrrrrry soon!

Love ya!

Heyyyyyy

2009-11-01T16:40:00.000-08:00

I caught Maddie mid-yawn.

Well, I'm still preg, but definitely getting there... as of today I am 38 weeks and it DEF shows. There she blows!

Hmm, what is new that I can tell you... the baby has "dropped" which means that, pelvically speaking, she is positioned appropriately to be born. This is not a reliable indicator that labor is imminent, however, because this can happen weeks in advance. Of course.

Elise is looking good - measuring a little on the petite side, but that's ok. If I have to choose between popping out a 6-7 pounder or a 9-10 pounder, my vagina and I will take the smaller baby, thanks. Heh - I said vagina.

Girlfriend kicks me and stretches out her tiny gams A LOT, which is still neat, even after all this time. Frankly though, I'm really ready for this to be over. Not to be a Negative Nancy, but I can't really do anything comfortably and I am not a person who enjoys being uncomfortable. Which is why I wouldn't have enjoyed Woodstock.

So Gavin is watching this thing about a half-wolf, half-man that supposedly killed lots of people in France in the 1700s. Apparently a cop and a zoologist are trying to "crack the case" in 2009 to determine whether the killer was a person, an animal, or a mythical creature, like a chupacabra or something. It is ridiculous. I haven't seen the ending, but something tells me the results of this investigation 300 years after the fact will be inconclusive. Gavin and I have such different tastes in TV sometimes. Basically, if it features time travel, alternate dimensions, space, volcanoes, wolfpeople, or cavemen, you can find it on my DVR, thanks to Gavin.

In other news, I wanted to blog about the current babies in my life - my doggies. Maddie and Sugarbear have gotten really clingy these past few weeks, which makes me think that they know something is up. Here are some pics of them snuggling up to Gavin... awwww.

I know, they are cute. ell, I will keep you updated on any new developments.... hope to talk to you REAL soon...

Hey there...

2009-10-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

Sooooo... how the hell are ya? Me? I'm about ready to erupt like Vesuvius - thanks for askin. Here I am, 36.5 weeks along, and still, there's just one of me. I am looking forward to having a mini-me. I am looking for matching pink velour sweat suits for the baby and I to wear home - wouldn't that be great?? Keep your eyes out folks. I need you.

In the meantime, Gavin and I have been really busy, andthat has helped. We have done SOOO much - the nursery is officially complete. I should take some pictures and post them, but that would require me getting off this couch and walking back there for actual activity, so no can do.

Lately, when I get home from work, it's like I have these bursts of nesting energy when I clean my house like a and organize things like a mother trucker, followed by periods where I am incapable of doing anything but sitting right here on my ass. I have been told this is hormonal. I can't complain though, because if it weren't for these bursts of energy, nothing would get done.. at least not by me. Poor Gav has really been picking up the slack - thanks honey!

I also have some fun new symptoms, including but not limited to low back pain on one side and sciatic pain on the other - yay! Back pain? Really? I feel like a Plaintiff or something. I also think I lose my mind momentarily at times. An example of this was when I saw my very sweet, very southern, very hilarious grandfather a few weeks ago. Keep in mind that he hadn't seen me in a while, and I was wayyyy pregnanter than at our last meeting.

Here's how that went:

Me: Hey DeDa!
DeDa: Hey Honey.... what happened to you? (sarcastic allusion to my large and in charge state)
Me: Well, DeDa, I done got knocked up. (hugs)

Seriously Bets? He appeared to get a real kick out of that, but now that I think back, I'm pretty sure it was inappropriate. Whatevs..

In the meantime, I've had a few showers! My pals J and V gave me a really nice couples shower a couple weeks ago, and we had the greatest time. Here I am with the hostesses....

Then, my office gave us a really really nice shower at a local restaurant. Gavin and I were floored when we got there and saw all that they had done. Here's a pic or two...

Well, I go to the doc tomorrow to see if I'm dilated at all.... that should be really fun, as cervical exams always are for me. In the meantime, I'll try to take a look at my life and see if there's anything going on in my life that's not baby-related that I can blog about. I feel bad being so one-dimensional on this blog, but the fact is, being this preg really consumes your life for a while. I go to work and then come home and do pregnant lady things. I'll do better.

See you soon!

And the Burglet's name is....

2009-10-04T18:59:00.001-07:00

Ta Da! No, it's not Slim Shady, Snoop Doggy Dogg or Brooke Lynn, although that one got lots of play. Elise Maria is the name - learn it, love it, because one day you'll have to know it for when she's President.

The picture you see above is the result of Gavin and myself really reaching outside our little logical lawyer comfort zones and getting artsy-craftsy. We went out and picked up some letters, lady bugs, and flower pots, painted them, and hung them on the wall in the nursery. The Burglet has the best room in the house, hands down. I will post more pics when I have everything organized in such a way that pleases me. Right now we are a little bit in furniture limbo, because we bought a new bedroom set for our room, which will free up some space in Elise's room (I'm currently borrowing her entire closet for my stuff). We will move that in this weekend, and then I can really finish up the nursery and organize all her baby stuff.

Speaking of the baby stuff, last weekend we had a FANTASTIC shower in Pensacola! The shower was at my mom's house, and the hostesses were my mom and two sisters, Nikki and Maria. We had a great turnout and I got to see so many of my loved ones that live in Pensacola. Shout out to my wonderful mother-in-law and sister-in-law Tammy for making the trip all the way from Deland to be there! As for the haul, I have three words: dirty, filthy loot. Hells to the yes. Everyone was so generous - thanks guys!

Here are some pics.

This is my sis Nikki and my wonderful mom. Note the huge crate o' booze. I was pretty much the only one not participating in that aspect of the shower. That's my family, folks. Yay for evening showers!

Me, Nikki, and Maria (who likes to call Elise "E. Maria")

This is her first Florida Gator outfit - it's 0-3 months sized, so she can pretty much wear it right away to support Dad's team. Look at what a good sport I'm being!

This is more like it! Thanks Auntie Mary!

Little tiny pants.

This is my cousin Anna, me, and my friend Mary (the aforementioned Auntie Mary) - we were all inseparable in high school and it was so great to see them and visit!

And now... survey saysssss....

How far along: 34 weeks, 4 days.

Total weight gain/loss: I still don't want to talk about it!

Maternity clothes: 100% when I leave the house. Fortunately they make cute mat clothes these days that don't make me look like a walking tent (I think). I still wear some of my old t-shirts when it's just Gavin and me hanging around the house, nesting, because it doesn't matter if my belly hangs out then. I figure it needs some air.

Stretch marks: So far so good, but keep in mind that there's a lot of my body that is completely hidden from me at this moment.

Sleeping: Not awesome. I just flip from side to side and have to pee a lot, so what can I really expect in this regard? I'm getting by just fine.

Best Moment of this week: The shower, visiting with my loved ones, and the fact that Gavin was able to be there (he was the photographer) to see me open all our presents and enjoy the party as well. He is going to be the best Dad ever!

Movement: Still going strong! She likes to stick her little dogs right up into my rib cage and rub her little head against my sciatic nerve, which is super fun for me.

Food Cravings: Nothing is really grabbing me right now, but that could change in a matter of moments. Still enjoying the fruit rollups. Hey - are those cheetos?

Labor Signs: None, but still having a few Braxton Hicks contractions here and there.

Belly Button in or out: Outer than space.

What I miss: Sleeping on my stomach and back.

What I am looking forward to: Another shower this weekend, and getting the nursery FINISHED!

So that's it folks - work continues to go well, and I am feverishly trying to get everything on my to-do list done so that I can leave my workload in peace once the baby gets here. I hope everything is going great for you, too - see you soon!

Audiobookin' it.

2009-09-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

So I'm currently on this kick where I listen to a lot of audiobooks. They're great for whenever you travel. I get a sense of accomplishment whenever I finish one, like I've just done something of note. Clearly I haven't, but still. Last week I drove down to the Tampa area twice for work, so I went through about 2 and a half full length audiobooks. After that, let me just tell you - I was a shining beacon of pride.

I obtain said audiobooks from the 'brary, of course because they are not cheap and the 'brary has a decent selection. My fave author right now is Stuart Woods because his books are engaging and easy to follow, with compelling characters and plots. John Grisham is good too.

That said, not every book is well suited for audio... sometimes the actors who read the books are downright irritating as James Blunt. This is because, typically, one actor is charged with voicing every character: men, women, black, white, hispanic... They try to differentiate the characters' voices and sometimes they try a little too hard and it's almost comical. Sometimes I have to pause the cd and laugh it out. So if anyone is interested in hopping on this train and is looking for good audiobook suggestions, let me know! I might advise you to avoid any book with lots of southern or New Yorky characters - or, god forbid, both. You're asking for trouble.

In other news, once again, I would like to clarify that the Burglet's name is NOT Brooke Lynn or any variation thereof. In fact, she is not named after any of the five boroughs of NYC. She actually has a name, and we are officially sharing it. I have a plan for a specific way I'd like to share it on the blog, though, so stay tuned.

Caught Red Snouted.

2009-09-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

So dogs are funny. Listen to this. Last Saturday Gav and I were hanging out, doing our weekend thing, cleaning up, doing laundry, and watching football. Gavin decided to make some chicken nuggets for lunch, so he baked a batch and put some barbecue sauce in a ramekin for dipping purposes. He was almost done when some friends pulled up outside to drop something off, so we ran out there to say hi.We were out there for probably less than 30 seconds.

When we got back in, the remaining nuggets were gone and Maddie was hiding behind the coffee table, licking furiously. Gavin said, “Maaaaadddiiiiee……” really slow, and she came slinking out, ears slicked way back, and barbecue sauce all over her snout and paws.

SO not only did she steal the nuggets, but she made a point to dip them in the sauce first. And OMG was she contrite about it. It was too hilarious to punish her at that point. I gave her a bath later that day, and despite all my scrubbing, the barbecue sauce would not come out of her white snout fur. She was branded with sauce stains, like a scarlet letter emblazoned across her chest. Meanwhile Sugarbear slept on her bed nearby, completely fluffy and oblivious. I love dogs!

What else…. My preg survey! How far along: 32 weeks, 4 days.

Total weight gain/loss: You can take this question and shove it up your… none of your beeswax.

Maternity clothes: I got a new pair of jeans and a pair of khakis last weekend! Thanks Gavin, for going with me to shop… I know that wasn’t fun for you!Love you!

Stretch marks: I noticed a couple on my torso…. I cocoa buttered them up and now I don’t see them. Maybe it’s my imagination. Maybe denial is powerful.

Sleeping: The army of pillows is still doing its thing. I slept TERRIBLY earlier this week though, when I was traveling for work. Thankfully that was my last overnight trip for work. I think sleeping without Gavin in the bed stresses me out, too, because I feel like I need him there in case something happens, consciously and subconsciously.

Best Moment of this week: Shopping with Gavin for nursery décor, which forced us to use our imaginations, and also getting “out of the blue” flowers delivered to me at work, which made everyone in my office go “awwwwww. (Thanks Gavin!)

Movement: Still going strong! I like it when she kicks her tiny little dogs completely out and I can feel them with my hand. It’s weird, but very cool.

Food Cravings: Fruit rollups. I eat these things like it’s my job, folks. It must be obvious, too, because when I got to work the other day there was a new box sitting on my chair. So funny. I love love love them right now. Pretty sure I hadn’t had them in years before last weekend when it hit me that I wanted them and wanted them right that second.

Labor Signs: None, but having a few Braxton Hicks contractions here and there, which are interesting little “practice” contractions.

Belly Button in or out: Outer than stirrup pants.

What I miss: Second trimester energy levels.

What I am looking forward to: I have some showers coming up soon that should be lots of fun!

Shout-out to the Husby

2009-09-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

So here's where I have to hand it to my husby Gavin. He deserves a shout-out! As I progress in my knocked-uppity-ness, I have noticed that my hormones have started ragin' again. This died down in the second tri, but now I'm back to my old mood swingin' tricks, and it's more dangerous now because I must be even scarier with my increased girth. Like, think of that scene in Jurassic Park, where the characters know the T-Rex is coming because the glass of water starts to vibrate, and all they can do is look around in fear and panic. Yes, this must be what it's like for Gavin.

For example, the other night, I was making black-eyed peas and rice. Gavin was helping me, and accidentally put the cubed ham chunks in the rice, instead of into the peas. So this really upset me, causing me to snap at him and delay dinner until I was able to transfer each individual chunk of ham from the rice pot to the pea pot. Really? It's tiny cubes of ham. Ultimately they all mix together anyway. I felt bad about it after, and couldn't figure out why I freaked. Of course Gavin forgave me right away, and in a moment of guilt and weakness, I issued him blanket amnesty for all future pork-related offenses.

In addition to maintaining his sensitivity and thoughtfulness while living with a live grenade, Gavin has been assembling things like a maniac. First, it was our crib and furniture, and the other night it was our travel system, which is AWESOME and was a great gift from Gavin's parents - thanks guys! I just HAD to have it assembled right away, so Gavin got right on it, and it is rarin' to go.

Gavin has also had to pick up the slack around the house. Literally. I drop things all the time, and he just quickly comes along behind me and picks them up so I don't have to bend over and contend with my ever-changing center of gravity.

Finally, he has insisted on completely relinquishing our relatively new soft leather recliner to me, in all its soft cushy majesty, so I can put my feet up at all times. And this during football season. What a guy!

So, props to my man. We have been married more than 5 years now and I love him more every day - I can't wait to see him as a dad!

Here's my little update.

How far along? 30 weeks, 4 days. (Due date was actually moved up two days to November 15).

Total weight gain/loss: None of your damn business.

Maternity clothes? Thank God for them and those who make them.

Stretch marks? Still none to be found on my glorious naked body... what I can see of it, anyway.

Sleep: The pillow system is working well, although it is difficult to get out of bed. I now have to roll out. Gavin is still hanging onto some bed territory, but it doesn't look good...

Best moment this week: Well, the 4D ultrasound was awesome, and that was one week ago, and then yesterday, we had a great regular doctor's appointment and learned that the Burbi has put on a few more ounces. Go girl!

Movement: We still have a very active Burglet all up in my uterus. She responds to Gavin's voice, and likes to stretch out. The other day she had the hiccups, which was really funny. She's up in the morning and at night, and sleeps in the middle of the day.

Food cravings: I had a burning desire for orange juice the other day as we were checking out at Publix - like HAD to have some right then. Gavin ran over to little fridge that luckily had some small bottles and got me one, which I chugged in one swig while standing right there in line. Then I was fine. Crazy.

Labor Signs: None.

Belly Button in or out? Out and proud.

What I miss: Beer during football games!

What I am looking forward to: Buying the baby's first Christmas Card outfit. You guys are going to die when you see it. No hints.

Milestone: Getting through the first week of college football without the benefit of delicious cold beer and still having fun, driving around with an actual car seat base in the back seat!

So that's about it for this update... out!

A parent looks at 4D.

2009-09-07T17:58:00.000-07:00

So this past week, Gavin and I took the Burglet in for her close-up at her 4D ultrasound. It was sooooo neat. We actually could see - in real time - the Burbi (someone pointed out that it should be Burbi with an "i" since she's a girl) yawning, blinking, rubbing her mug with her hands, and just moving around... technology is incredible.

She had her hands up by her mug most of the time, and was hiding behind the placenta a little bit (which accounts for the blurriness on her face on the right side of the pics) but cooperated just enough for us to get some good shots. What do you think?

We obviously think she's beautiful and perfect in every way, AND the best news of all is that her measurements all came back normal and her growth is right on target for her gestational age, which was so great to hear. I'm about 30 weeks knocked-up now, so we are moving right along!

By the way, I feel like the inside of my uterus looks like a cave, and I'm a little self-conscious about it. Are they all like that? I look at these pics and think there should be stalactites and stalagmites hanging from the walls or something.

Also, I am FINALLY posting some pics of our awesome nursery. We still have a long way to go as far as decorating, putting stuff on the walls, getting the changing pad in place, and so on and so forth, but we are trying to pace ourselves. At least the furniture is up and running, and you get an idea of what it will look like.

Other than that, not much new to report! We had a very nice, relaxing long weekend, with lots of reading, resting, football, and together time for Gavin and me, which we are cherishing because it won't be long before we have a new (and probably noisy) roommate moving in. See you soon!

SURPRISE!

2009-09-02T19:06:00.000-07:00

So last weekend, Gavin’s family and I pulled off a great feat – a surprise party to celebrate Gavin officially getting old. I mean he’s 30 now – only a few short years away from being the guy who backs over his own mailbox and gets confused by the automatic doors at Publix. So we thought this was the perfect opportunity to throw him a big party! We threw the party down in Deland so his family and friends from way back could all be there. BIG shout out to my mother-in-law for doing all the leg work!!!

He was actually genuinely surprised – more confused actually, because I cleverly scheduled the party to take place 3 weeks AFTER his actual birthday, so he would suspect nothing. This was his reaction!

We had such a great turnout - here are some pics....

Well, you wanted belly pics, so you got 'em. Here I am with Gavin's lovely cousins Erin and Cara who, as you can see, are carrying smaller than me.... Hey - who invited Barney to the party?

Group shot with all Gavin's friends that made it - thanks guys!

The cake.....

Strategically attacking the candles! He actually conquered them in one attempt - yayyy!

We also got a few gifts for the burglet - thanks guys!

What else, what else.... Oh yes, I continue to be annoyed by the pig population for their inconsiderate behavior in setting this swine flu business into motion. Stupid a*s pigs, once again complicating my life. Apparently this swine flu is quite dangerous for persons of the knocked-up persuasion, like myself, but did they care or think of that when engaging in all their risky barnyard behavior? No.

So anyway, I’ve got to get a series of vaccinations (much like my 2008 rabies adventure) starting October 22. That rabies stuff was super fun for Christmas, but as it turns out, I never developed any super cat powers, which pisses me off for so many reasons. Sometimes I think the animal population is out to get me, which vexes me greatly, since I’ve always been such a champion for them. I mean, really? Thanks.

Pictures of the nursery are still on their way... (they’re on my other computer but I promise to post them soon)!

Tank of Redemption? No.

2009-08-26T17:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it appears that although we are good at repopulating the tank of death, we are still quite inept at keeping its inhabitants alive. We've seen a number of deaths over the past couple weeks - not sure what is going on. It's like we have a tank full of celebrities and it's Summer 2009.

Some of our fish have survived, so we'll keep trying. We named our algae eater that sucks up all the algae Dyson. We also have a few black fish with rhythm that are survivors so I call each of them Fishy Cent. Other than that, I'm trying not to get too attached.

Hey, so here's a fun thing that some of my fellow pregnant broads with blogs are doing - it's a pregnancy survey. I thought I'd give it a shot.

How far along? Started my 29th week today!

Total weight gain/loss: None of your damn business. Are you kidding me? Eff that.

Maternity clothes? Yes. Mostly everything I wear now, although I do have one dress and a couple tops from my pre-pregnant life that still kind of work.

Stretch marks? Haven't spotted any of these guys yet.

Sleep: That would be great. Wait - what were we talking about? Actually I'm ok with sleeping right now in my nest of pillows. I snuggle down ensconced between body pillows on both sides and two pillows below my head, and I tend to migrate more and more towards the middle of the bed with my army of pillows, requiring Gavin to cede more and more territory. Sometimes, as I'm getting up 12 times a night to go to the bathroom, I look over to see Gavin teetering precariously on his little sliver of bed. Aww.

Best moment this week: Getting the crib set up with the mattress and the bedding, washing all the clothes I have so far and putting them away, and continuing to set up the nursery. I'll post pictures soon, I promise!

Movement: The Burby has been kicking like she owns the place. She definitely perks up riiiight around the time we are all snuggled up in bed and ready to go to sleep. She's clearly a night owl. A party animal. Destined for a dance floor somewhere. I have no idea where she got this, since I've always been so demure.... I think she'd be cute with a little tiny tambourine.

Food cravings: Poached eggs for breakfast, and at night - frosted lemon squares. It's frustrating because I want them but I have none and it's not like it's something I can just send Gavin out to pick up. I'd have to actually bake them to satisfy this particular desire, and so far I haven't gotten that desperate. I think it may happen tomorrow though.

Labor Signs: None, thank goodness. This one is stupid.

Belly Button in or out? Outer than Perez Hilton.

What I miss: Drinking alcohol, sleeping on my stomach, being able to buy and wear the cute clothes I pass in the store on my way to the maternity section, cold (real) beer.

What I am looking forward to: Showers. Hells to the yes. Also, announcing the name, and the moment after I completely pop this puppy out.

Milestone: Hitting the third trimester, getting our furniture, and finally getting on track with the nursery.

Well that was fun. I seriously will take some pics of the nursery tonight and post them tomorrow.... I know so many of you are losing sleep wondering what it looks like at this very moment. I'll probably also post some pics next week of my pregnant self, since folks have been asking.

Maddie and Sugarbear are doing well, sweet as ever, probably wondering WTF is going on in the back room with all the new stuff. They probably think it's all for them. Oh Maddie and Sugs....

See you later!

Moving On.

2009-08-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

(Not our actual fish tank, but a reasonable approximation from google images)

So this weekend we decided to forge ahead and proliferate a new fish community in Scarface’s former habitat. At first I was a little hesitant, like I felt it might be too soon, but life goes on. So now, instead of having just one big honkin’ cranky fish, we have a bunch of tiny, colorful, agreeable, community-oriented tropical fish that swim around in schools and live together in harmony, plus one algae eater that sticks to the side of the tank. It’s great. I also like how, when they die, we can just purchase a few replacements with a five-dollar bill and call it a day. Our tank is pretty big, so I think we’ll add a few new residents here and there. It’ll be a whole thing.

Other than that, we had a very productive nesting weekend… Gavin put the crib together with minimal frustration, and we finally found some nursery furniture in our price range that will fit the room and meet our needs as far as space and function. Trust me – this is harder than it sounds. Furniture, like actual furniture that you don’t inherit from your parents or grandparents, is expensive and with so many options, it’s hard to choose sometimes. Who knew?

I’ve also been baking a lot. I never really baked much before I was pregnant, but now I’m like… mmm brownies/cupcakes/cookies/random bake-able treat….. that’s happening tonight. Then I realize I can’t keep them in the house or I’ll eat them all so I endeavor to give them away. Last night I baked some chocolate chip caramel cookie bars. They were really good – even Gavin, who doesn’t really have a sweet tooth, wolfed one down. Note that I have made no attempt to divest myself of these.

So that’s about it for our weekend – hope everyone else had a great one!

Scarface Burgess (b. Circa 2003 – d. 2009)

2009-08-12T08:45:00.001-07:00

Well I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but I regret to inform you that our longtime fish companion, Scarface Burgess, perished last week at the age of 6, from an unknown fish disease.

Scarfy was a South African Cichlid, also known as an Oscar. We got him a little over 4 years ago from a friend who could no longer take care of him, when he was about a year old. He was smaller then. He grew to be pretty big, and people thought he was a grouper, living right there in our living room. He was a great conversation starter.

The fact is, Scarfy and I had a bit of a rocky relationship. He could be sweet and conversant at times, but usually he was just moody and difficult, making sarcastic comments or dramatically whipping himself around as I walked by to avoid making any eye contact.

Truthfully, our falling out began when he ate the face off Sugar Ray, one of the other two fish we had in the tank. That really stuck in my craw. I then had to remove the surviving fish and take him to work, where I accidentally dumped sprite in his bowl, which may have killed him, since he died not long after that. I know that was my fault but I kind of blamed Scarf for that death too.

But over the years I will say that we forged a grudging mutual respect. He was with us through three different residences, was a good fish, a real character, and we’ll miss him. So Scarface, this O’Doul’s is for you.

Happy AnniversaWii... and other updates

2009-08-11T17:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, first things first. Yes, it's been a while since I've updated. A long time. I know. Ice ages have come and gone since the last time I updated this blog. I get it. No excuses! The good news is I've got lots to bloviate about.

First of all, last week, Gav turned 30 and the very next day, we had our 5th wedding anniversary! We kind of thought of this as our first "milestone" anniversary other than the 1st, so we decided to purchase each other a traditional anniversary gift: a family Wii that we shall pass down through the generations. Really, we've been wanting one for about 8 months now so we went for it. Yayyyy wii! We love to play bowling and golf the most.

Second, folks, I keep getting pregnanter. I'm pretty large and in charge these days. I hear this is to be expected but it still manages to come as a shock to me. Frankly, aside from the fact that you get a baby at the end, there aren't that many perks to the actual state of being knocked up. But there are a few things here and there that comprise a silver lining.

For example, and this may be my favorite, when you're pregs, people will bring you food, no questions asked. Sometimes you don't even have to ask for it. Niiiiiice. Another is that people just magically get out of your way, holding doors, giving up seats, like you're an explosive about to go off, and they need to clear the area fast.

Yet another perk - showers! My best pals from college threw one for me and two of my other friends a couple weeks ago in Auburn, the greatest place ever. I hadn't been there in a few years, and let me just tell you they have sunk a fortune into that place since my last visit. There are a ton of brand new dorms and buildings and the campus, which has always been beautiful, has been taken to a completely new level. I was so proud. I also cleared some excellent loot. Here are some pics. I deliberately chose ones where I look a little less huge than I do in reality.

The whole gang! I hate being on the end - I never know what to do with my arms.

Partial group picture at Amsterdam's for lunch....

Me opening one of my many SUPER cute gifts. I so love anything with furry ears, animals, clothes, etc.

The three moms-to-be showing off the new Auburn gear. Thanks Aunt April!

Me and my old roomie Susan.

Another perk - boobs. It's true. I've always been a little on the diminutive side when it came to my chesticles, so this is a welcome development. Hells to the yes.

Hmmm what else.... random stuff. I have a new favorite word: kerfuffle. I realized that I hate Teen Jeopardy and that it essentially fracks up my whole week when the teen tournament is on. Same for Kids Jeopardy. Children have no business being on Jeopardy. (I'm going to be such a great mom.)

Well that should pretty much bring you up to speed! I promise not to leave my faithful blog readership hanging like that ever again. It' s not fair to either of you, mom and dad. I'll do better. Lata!

Success!

2009-07-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

It's official! We've got a girl bun in the oven! We are thrilled! We found out last week at our second-chance ultrasound when girlfriend dropped trou and showed us what she got. After that, she basically she went out of her way to moon us. Of course. The apple does not fall far, friends.

Anyway, Gavin had the ultrasound technician write the Burglet's saix on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope for us to open at dinner that night. This plan of his drove me crazy and we had words about it more than once, because of course I wanted to find out immediately, but I had to admit that at the end of the day, it was kind of neat doing it that way.

The ultrasound technician not only wrote out the good news for us, but she even stuck a little pic in there of the Burby's "area" so we could see for ourselves. Fascinating! I would post it here but honestly it's been in my purse so Gavin hasn't had a chance to scan it in. I also must admit that I feel a little weird about posting her area on the internet. I don't know why - it's not like I haven't been showing it to everyone I know.

The very best news, though, was that the Burgita got a clean bill of health from the doctor and so apparently we are all set to spawn in November. Of course I have done nothing, like purchasing baby items or putting together the baby's room. It's like this has just been an amusing diversion up till now and I just realized last week that this was actually happening.

In other news, Gavin is learning a lot about cervixes and mucus plugs and contractions. He is quite the star pupil in our childbirth classes, and I am very proud. We saw some videos (gag) and pictures that shook him up pretty bad, but he's still with us so far.

So that's our news, folks! Hope everyone had a great 4th of July!

It's a.... smartass!

2009-06-23T14:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Burby:

As you are well aware, today is the day we were supposed to find out your sex. This was big for us because it meant we could start buying gender-appropriate onesies, get started on decorating your room, and perhaps even decide on a name other than Burby, Burglet, Burgito/Burgita, or Strong Bad.

But the joke was on us, as you kept your legs tightly crossed and clamped together through the whole ultrasound while we poked around helplessly. I’m sure you thought this was hilarious. You are clearly our child. I think the Doppler even picked up some muffled laughter. Honestly, the smartass in me is fighting the urge to be proud. At least at 19 weeks we know you are the appropriate size and species. And that’s about it.

We love you no matter what and are very happy to see you are thriving and exercising your smartass genes so early on. I believe you may be a prodigy in that regard. But we do urge you to be more of a team player next time, unless you just really like green and yellow.

Love,

Mom and Dad

Adios, Fockers.

2009-06-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

So last week I got a phone call from the moderator of our childbirth education program. Apparently she was “very concerned” that the Fockers were not adequately sticking to the script of the planned curriculum they had in mind for the program.

Really lady? What tipped you off? The viewing of the “Orgasmic Birth” video series? The assertion that medically administered pain control is unnatural, unnecessary, and an impediment to a truly memorable sacred birthing experience? Or maybe it was the suggestion that we give birth outside in our back yards on all fours and let our husbands “catch” the baby while our nearby “dream catcher” protects us from bad energy while letting the good energy flow right through.

Whatever it was, the Fockers were swiftly and unceremoniously placed outside the circle of trust and replaced by a labor and delivery nurse to teach the rest of our classes. Our second class was in a hospital, with a much more medical/scientific focus.

At first I was a little sad, because I was enjoying the Fockers. It was like having that lovable yet unpredictable friend, where you don’t know what’s going to come out of her mouth in a crowded room next, but you gladly fetch her drinks and snuggle in for the show. BUT, as it turns out, Gavin and I really enjoyed the class with the nurse, because we actually learned what the eff is going on with my body now, and what to expect over the next few months and finally with the labor and delivery stuff IN A HOSPITAL. Since we were always going to go the hospital/epidural route no matter what, this is much more our speed. We still did breathing relaxation exercises at the end, so that was a nice earthy touch.

What else, what else. Watched a lot of HBO this weekend… some movies, like Recount, which was cool because a lot of it was filmed right here in the 'Hass, but mostly reruns of Big Love and True Blood. Oh how I love HBO. I think it’s because I was never allowed to watch it growing up, because there were naked people on HBO, so I missed Fraggle Rock every single week, and that really stung. So now I’m like an addict with a table full of snow….. aaaahhhhhh HBO. Drugs aren’t funny. But there are some great shows on this channel, so if you’re not currently subscribing to or stealing HBO, please do consider it.

Hope everyone has a great week!

Meet the Fockers

2009-06-08T12:15:00.000-07:00

So last week Gavin and I went to our first childbirth class. One perk of living in a college town is that you can take advantage of all the University offers. For example, FSU has a program for first-time parents that is supposed to be really good, AND it's totally free as long as you are selected to participate. Our doctor informed us about it, so Gavin and I thought, what the hell. We completed a few questionnaires and an interview and were selected, so off we went to the first class.

The people who teach it are a husband and wife. They are prob in their late 50s/early 60s, are certified for all this childbirth stuff as educators, doulas, midwives, etc., and are extremely qualified. They are lovely people. To them, the birth experience is "the most sacred life event" there is. Essentially, they are the Fockers from Meet the Fockers. I know I will love them.

The classes are held at their house, so we show up there for our first meeting. The first thing we have to do is take off our shoes, sit on the floor in a circle, light candles for all the mothers giving birth that day, take deep cleansing breaths, find our "centers", share with the group about "what our birth story looks like" and describe all our fears, anxieties, etc. Not exactly what I was expecting, but whatevs. I’m a student of life, here to learn, rollin' with it.

The best part, however, was when they explained to us that childbirth, when allowed to occur naturally (that is, no drugs whatsoever) can be an "orgasmic" experience. Literally. As in, you actually have a massive orgasm as you give birth. Beg your pardon? No effing way, lady. But yes, and they showed us videos to prove it. The videos basically consisted of present-day hippies giving birth outside in their backyards, on all fours, and experiencing what they swore were orgasms. WTF is all I have to say. We saw everything, and I mean everything. And heard everything. And what we were hearing just didn’t seem to go with what we were seeing. Part of me felt like I was watching porn. Frightening, confusing porn. Porn that completely misses the point.

The classes ended with a “dream catcher” ceremony that explained the purpose of the Native American dream catcher and how we can use one in the delivery room to help us give birth. We are told that the classes will become more scientific and medical and technical, but wow, how bout that for an introduction. Next class is Wednesday!

What else, what else. Well, I was sick all weekend with a terrible head/chest cold thing. Gavin took care of me, brought me a humidifier and anything else I wanted besides actual medication, since I can’t take jack. Yayyyy Gavin! I wason the couch all weekend watching stuff we have saved on our DVR. We always have a bunch of murder mystery 20/20s or 48 Hours Mystery episodes on there for times like this. I was watching one when Gavin walked in after mowing the lawn. Here’s how that went:

Gavin: What are you watching?

Me: 48 Hours Mystery.

Gavin: Without me?!

Me: (thinking: shat.) Um, well it’s nothing exciting, honeybear.. just your typical husband-kills-wife episode.

Gavin: You know those are my favorite. (walks away in a fake huff)

Hahaha – love that guy!

Hope everyone has a great week!

Conferencin'

2009-05-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

So I'm down in Orlando for a lawyer conference thing and really enjoying it so far. I am staying in one of those Disney-run hotels right next to Disney World: awesome. Due to time constraints, I won't be able to actually go to Disney World: not awesome. My balcony overlooks the Magic Kingdom and it is magical. I hate that I can't go and ride some rides and get some pics taken with the Disney gang. It's like staying on the beach but not being able to romp in the surf. WTF. At least tonight I got to see the fireworks. They were exquisite.

My hotel is one of those futuristic-ish themed hotels where the decor is very contemporary and cutting edge and designed to look like the future. Nice place, but apparently in the future, they won't have microwaves or wireless internet or toilets that flush consistently.

Staying here is truly like peering into the future in other ways. Everywhere I go I am inundated by children and beleaguered parents. Today I was walking through the lobby and observed a stroller parking area with rows and rows of strollers. I observed them with interest, since Gavin and I have been researching these compelling apparati.

My inner monologue: "Now there's a nice Chicco travel system. Agile, utilitarian, and I enjoy the color." or "Ooh - that couple went with the MacLaren Technno XLR. They must be doctors."

The flight down was interesting. Seated right next to me was a little fluffy yellow lab service dog. Very Sugarbear-esque. I could not believe my luck. She is trained to alert her owner, who has Type I diabetes, whenever he needs blood sugar or insulin. She was soooo cute and drugged up on Valium for the flight. I was allowed to love all over her, which was great. The flight scared her, and me, and everyone else on board, because we encountered thunderstorms and nasty turbulence. Poor baby, and yes I mean me.

Finally, I have to comment on the recent pop culture trend toward skinny jeans. These jeans would be fine if only the fat population had not decided to embrace them so feverishly. As I walked through the Orlando airport I became aware of just how pervasive the problem has become. I don't touch these jeans. I don't even have to try them on to know they are bad news bears on this caboose. If only others were as considerate. Dear Orlando and the rest of the world: Skinny jeans are for skinny people, so unless you're a celebrity, a European, or completely indifferent to food, statistically speaking, you should just move along.

I like to end on a b*tch note. Later!

If you're like me, and uncomfortable situations make you laugh.....

2009-05-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

So one of my favorite websites is this one where folks submit various passive-aggressive notes that they have received for everyone’s enjoyment.

It is pretty hilarious, because who hasn’t received one of these in their lifetimes? It's only human nature to communicate this way: I want to confront you, but I don't want to do it in person, because I'll look like an asshole, even though I have to be aware that I end up looking like an asshole ultimately anyway, but I'm still going to do this. Facebook has added an exciting new dimension to this communication genre, because it's leaving a PA note for someone that everyone else gets to read. Delicious.

I don't recall ever leaving anybody one of these. I'm more of a "suffer in silence and avoid confrontation at any cost" type person when it comes to my interpersonal relationships, but I have gotten a few. There was that time in law school circa 2003 when my Russian PhD student neighbors upstairs left me about a two-page note about how Maddie barks when I’m not there. It was a great note, complete with lots of incorrect English. I hope they were studying physics or something. You could tell they were really trying to be polite before calling management and having me kicked out or my new skinny scruffy separation-anxiety suffering shelter dog hauled to a Gulag pound.

Then there was that one in Denver circa 2006 when my friends and I rented a white Expedition (or was it an Excursion) and didn’t quite know how to park its huge Expedition/Excursion ass. That elicited a hastily scrawled “Nice park job, asshole” on an index card attached to the windshield wiper. We laughed for days at that one.

Anyway, the site is funny – make sure you read the brief blurbs accompanying the notes so you get the contexts – it makes it even more hilarious. Enjoy.

Random thoughts and life updates.

2009-05-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

So I was at the gym the other day and of course my gym-esis Stinky was there because she’s always there when I’m there. (For more information about Stinks, please see here or here). But here’s the big news. As I was about to leave, I spotted her emerging from the locker room having obviously just taken a shower. I was frightened and confused by this sudden paradigm shift. I totally thought she didn’t do that. Ok, so this means we can rule out non-bathing as the problem and focus on the incorrect use or outright abhorrence of traditional deodorant. A breakthrough.

Also, thanks everyone for all the sweet comments about the Burglet and the expanding fam-damily. I think it’s going to be hilarious. Gavin and I are both the youngest in our families and haven’t spent much time around babies AT ALL so it is like the blind leading the blind over here. We are both completely clueless. Yesterday we decided we want one of those baby carrier things that you put the baby in and strap to the front of your torso, so we were looking online and found a few. The ones we found were good up to 25 lbs. We kind of looked at each other like, when does a baby typically hit 25 lbs? 3 months? a year? 2 years? We really had no idea. We’re def taking classes.

Also, check out the picture below.

Yes, classic bear-havior. A few months back I did a post about black bear fun facts. Clearly I painted a far too rosy picture of the species and should add a #7 to the list to state “Black bears say they’re going outside to rake the leaves and then pass out on a hammock as soon as you turn around” to the list. You know, I’d like to swing on a nice comfortable hammock in a woodsy back yard but I have responsibilities, Black Bear. Unbelievable.

Coming soon through a birth canal near you....

2009-05-17T14:26:00.000-07:00

So… here’s some news. Gavin and I are all set to spawn in mid- November! Get excited! We are just now into our second trimester (I like how I say “we” even though “we” won’t be popping the puppy out of “our” area. Not fair. Blog for another time…).

Anyway, we don’t know the sex yet, but there are a few things we are pretty sure we do know about the Burby.

First, this will probably be the whitest baby you have ever seen. Get your sunglasses ready. I hope the little guy/gal wasn’t hoping for a golden-tan complexion, because it's just not on the genetic menu.

Second, the Burglet is sure to be a smartass of epic proportions. I mean, look at the parents. And the grandparents. And the aunts and uncles and cousins. When Gav and I got together, it was basically a perfect storm of smartass, and looking back over several generations, it is evident that the assh’le doesn’t fall far from the tree. So everyone just get ready.

For example, at our 12 week ultrasound, as you can see below, the Burglet was moving around and waving at the camera, workin' it like s/he owns my uterus. Typical! Gavin and I also agree that the Burby looks a little like Strong Bad in this frontal shot.

Burglet.

Strong Bad.

As a side note, I feel a little weird posting these ultrasound pics on the web, because basically it’s like saying, hey everyone, check out my uterus. Normally that’s a private part, but then someone moves in and all of a sudden it’s acceptably on display for everyone. I’ll try not to think of it that way, because I’m pretty sure all my dignity will be gone at the end of this process anyway, and let's face it, after this experience, that ship may have already sailed.

So the preg and all the things that go along with it will prob be making an appearance in the blog from time to time, but I don’t intend to become one of those bloggers I looooathe and blog solely about pregnancy and mommyhood. I’m pretty sure most of the content will stay the same, so stick with me!

So that’s our news. Talk amongst yourselves….

I need a new blog picture.

2009-05-15T12:06:00.000-07:00

I’ve only had this one up for about forever. I think we all four look pretty much the same as we do now, but some updating may be in order. I mean, really Bets? It’s not Christmas all year round. As much as I enjoyed the festivity of the 2007 yuletide season, it’s just not appropriate in May 2009. This is completely unsouthern of me… way worse than white after labor day or linen before Easter. I'm surprised my mom hasn't said something.

I’m going to poke around my jpeg jungle for some updated pics. The problem is, we don’t have that many pictures of all four of us together – we really only do that for the Christmas card because it’s such a production to get both dogs to look at the camera simultaneously. I’ll think of something. You deserve it.

Get the taser. I'm out of control.

2009-05-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

So not too long ago, I blogged about Bea Arthur checking out, and reminisced about how much I loved the Golden Girls. Not long thereafter, I told Gav I wanted to start DVR-ing Golden Girls again. Fast forward a few weeks, and I have a problem. A Golden Girls problem. But it hurts so good. I always have at least 4 episodes on my DVR, and since GG comes on every single day, these epis are always being replenished as I watch them and delete them. That means, in the morning getting ready? Golden Girls. Lunchtime? Ahh, Golden Girls. After work? How 'bout some Golden Girls. It's awesome. Approaching problematic, but currently just awesome.

Hmm... what else. Things are good. I started Twittering, and that's fun. I am always looking for new opportunities to be a smartass on the internet, so bring it, Twitter. If anyone else is Tweeting these days, hook up with me - http://twitter.com/betsburgess. I have identified some celebs to follow. Diablo Cody is HILARIOUS. She wrote the screenplay for Juno, and I'm pretty sure she's my smartass hero. I'll never be as proficient as her, though. Snaps.

Social Notworking

2009-05-08T07:43:00.001-07:00

So everyone pretty much knows I love Facebook. Really I just straight up love the internet, because how else would I be able to spew my vitriol to potentially infinite numbers of people without my blog and FB? Without the internet I’d be lost, a much more frustrated malcontent, instead of the temporarily sated one I am today. But enough about me.

I love FB because I have reconnected with a plethora of folks from my past that I thought I’d never hear from again, mostly from college and law school. It’s not that I didn’t want to keep in touch with these cats, but you see, and this may come as a surprise to you, I’ve always been a bit of a social butterfly. I made a lot of friends at old AU and FSU, and I always figured it would just be impossible to keep up with them all. Enter Facebook. What a magical invention, bringing people back together, like when Moses parted the red sea, but in reverse.

Of course, FB isn’t perfect, you have to be careful or it will steal your life. And sometimes, things get awkward. If you’ve been on FB long enough you know what I’m talking about. Here is a list of the top uncomfortable situations FB generates.

1) You accept a friend and then almost immediately regret it because of the inane status updates this person insists on punishing the FB world with. I have had to “call the drop” sorority-rush style on several FB friends because of this balderdash. Green to keep, red to drop. Red. It may be harsh, but I like to participate when Jeopardy comes on, and therefore I don’t have brain cells to waste reading status updates having to do with the regularity of your child’s bowel movements. Gross me out.

2) Someone posts something on a friend’s wall that clearly should have been sent as a private message, but since it’s on the wall, everyone can read the private/inappropriate thought. Awwwwkward. But sometimes awesome.

3) Someone tags you in a photo and you immediately have to untag yourself because you don’t look awesome.

4) Quizzes, applications, random requests for random stuff like roundhouse kicks and drinks and mafia names. WTF. I’m a purist. I’m just here to communicate.

5) Friends’ parents on FB. Inevitably, a grown-up will eventually want to friend you. When this happens, you will find yourself teetering precariously on the horns of a dilemma. Sure, you can restrict their access to your pics, but still. What about your hilarious and sarcastic status updates that let’s face it, they probably just won’t get? But if you don’t accept them, you will potentially hurt their feelings. Quandary. Chances are, though, that these folks will tire quickly of the newfangled invention. You just have to wait them out. Or decide to not care.

But overall, yay for Facebook.

Cute things.

2009-05-03T07:18:00.000-07:00

I really love things that are cute. Sometimes I love them so much that I lash out at them. It's a reflex when I can't have the cute thing that I admire. I'm working on it. Anyway, I've thought about it, and I've distilled a list of characteristics that make animals cute to me. Here is a list of my favorite cutes.

1. Animals whose ears go straight back against their heads.

2. Animals who use their paws as hands (monkeys don't count because they are expected to use their hands. It has to be a situation where the use of forepaws as hands comes as a delightful surprise).

heyyyyy

oh hello there. salutations

arrrrr is for rodent.

"well, I met her on probation at McDonald's..."

3. Animals with prominent snouts, snouts with personality, or snouts with distinguishing features.

4. Animals who look like they're smiling.

5. Animals dressed as people. Clearly, I'm a big fan of anthropomorphism.

So clearly I don't have any particularly deep thoughts or big news to share with you today. I joined twitter, so that was fun. http://twitter.com/betsburgess. Other than that, I'm just hanging out and doing laundry. I hope everyone's enjoying the weekend!

The Wrestler.

2009-05-02T14:39:00.000-07:00

So last night Gavin and I finally got around to watching The Wrestler. Hmm. Here are my thoughts about the movie:

1) Marisa Tomei is butt-ass naked in about 90% of her scenes. Ok, I knew she portrayed a stripper, but I did not expect this level of nakedness, as nonsensical as that may seem. I'm naive, I know. Like a cub in the woods. I thought maybe they'd put her in some lingerie or a bra and panties and call it a day, you know, for the kids. But no. No no no. I kept fighting the urge to cover Gavin's eyes with pillow or something, because girlfriend looks good. No wonder she got an Oscar nomination. Each of her boobs should have walked away with their own nominations for best supporting roles. They were convincing.

2) There is a lot more blood and nasty than I thought there would be. This movie is graphic. Gross me out. Like I'm just supposed to know that the world of bottom-rung professional wrestling is not pretty and clean and safe and glamorous. Whatever. I'm not a soothsayer, Fox Searchlight. How about a heads up next time.

3) This movie is depressing. I mean, sadder than a hundred dead Christmas trees depressing. I'm not exactly sure why, but for some reason I was expecting a movie about redemption, and I guess that's kind of what it was, in a way, if you like your redemption leaving you like you just stared at a basket of sick puppies for 2 hours. Rocky it ain't.

4) The movie is realistic. Ultimately, it is about the very essential truths of life: we make choices and then we have to live with them. In that respect, the movie is very good. There is extensive character development, and I found myself very much drawn into Mickey Rourke's character. The acting was excellent, particularly MR's acting.

At the end of the day, I'm glad we watched it. It was an affecting movie experience. It's one of those really good movies that I'm glad I saw, but probably won't watch again, like Million Dollar Baby. I can tell you one thing: I am really rooting for Mickey Rourke from here on out. I learned recently that he really really loves dogs, which made me go from being completely ambivalent about him to loving him.

Just wipe that smirk off your face, because this is all your fault.

2009-04-28T12:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Pigs:

Hmmm... swine flu. Great going. I could have predicted pigs would turn on us eventually. As it turns out, Animal Farm was more than just a brilliant political metaphorical satire. It was prophecy. Well, way to go, pigs. You have your globalized epidemic - kudos. However, I daresay the joke's on you.

I was reading an article about this illness and learned some interesting facts. First, pigs have to get the disease before they can pass it along to humans. Didn't really think this one through, did you, pigs? Symptoms of infected pigs include fever, depression, coughing (barking), sneezing, difficulty breathing, red or inflamed eyes, lack of appetite and discharge from the nose or eyes. Great. There is nothing more annoying than pig depression and you guys are obnoxious when you bark.

Second, humans can't get the disease from eating pig products. So if your goal was to decrease the ingestion of delicious pork products enjoyed by humans around the world, nice try. I for one am thinking barbecue tonight, just because you have pissed me off.

I decided to google image you, just to see what you've been up to lately, in addition to plotting and scheming with this flu business, that is. I was not surprised by what I found.

Public displays of snout rubbing. This is probably how this whole thing got started, so knock it off. It's in poor taste, and children could live on this farm.

Ok, life isn't all sunflowers and gingham, and you need to learn that. Get a job.

This guy. You're not that cute, with your soft downy fur and your impossibly pink nose and ears and tiny cloven hooves. I don't want to scoop you up and snuggle in that soft grass. Not at all. I mean, this is the piglet equivalent of a Glamour Shot. Terrible.

Listen, I just hope you guys know what you're doing and that you can live with yourselves. As if Mexico doesn't have enough problems right now without their livestock getting uppity. Just remember that I'm onto you, and I'm not the only one. I'd advise you to keep your snoots clean until this all blows over. Watching you.

Yours Sincerely,
Bets

Saaaaad.

2009-04-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

So I recently found out that another one of the brilliant Golden Girls cast ensemble has gone four paws to the moon: Bea Arthur, who brilliantly portrayed the gloriously sarcastic Dorothy Zbornak. I thought I’d do a tribute to her, like the one I did for Sophia when she bought a pine condo last year.

Dorothy truly was the queen of the one-liners. Bea Arthur was hilarious in that role and thankfully the show is still going strong on Lifetime. I thought a good way to remember BA’s work would be to quote a few of my favorite lines. Finding these really brought me back to why I love this show.

Sophia: I need the money for my old age.
Dorothy: Old age? You don't leave fingerprints anymore.

Dorothy: You'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which rendered her totally annoying.

Dorothy: [to Sophia] You're a furry little gnome and we feed you too much.

Sophia: My hiney's asleep.
Dorothy: Fine, we'll keep our voices down.

Dorothy: [to Sophia] Get back here, you deceitful little Sicilian gecko.

Rose: I don't think lying is really a good idea. I once cut school and that proved very bad.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose. We've all cut school. It couldn't have been that bad.
Rose: Oh, yes it was. That was the day they taught EVERYTHING.
Dorothy: The final piece of the puzzle.

[Sophia wants a new TV, but Dorothy plans to use the money to pave the driveway over]
Sophia: And what will I do when every other old lady on the block is watching The Cosby Show?
Dorothy: Well, Ma, I guess you can sit on the new driveway and hope an amusing black family comes along.

Sophia: No offense, pussycat.
Dorothy: None taken, you cankerous little prune.

Dorothy [to Sophia]: Now look here... You withered old Sicilian monkey.

Blanche: Dorothy, this is crazy! Since when do you care how you look?
Dorothy: I think it started when I came down from the bell tower and had my hump fixed.

Dorothy: [after Blanche and Rose meanly point out the flaws in her body] Why don't I just wear a sign that says, "Too Ugly To Live?

Dorothy: (After receiving Rose's gift of a whittled maple syrup spigot) This will come in a lot handier than those pearl earrings... the next time I'm lost in the woods with a stack of pancakes.

Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Better than anyone I know.

Blanche: What does one wear to a sperm bank?
Dorothy: Something attractive in rubber.
Blanche: I have that.

Blanche: Dorothy, at 2am in the morning, I was entertaining a gentleman caller. She walked in on me at the most inopportune time. I could have lost my balance and chipped a tooth.
Rose: You think that's bad? She came into my room when I was reenacting the plank-walking scene from Peter Pan.
Dorothy: What the hell goes on in this house at night?

Rose: I found out that Baked Alaska can be baked locally.
Dorothy: Rose, I’ve got an even bigger scoop for you. Mars Bars are made right here on earth.

Dorothy: Back off, Blanche! Not all of us are classified by the Navy as a friendly port.

There are a lot more where these came from. Here’s to you, BA in all your smartass glory. You taught me so much about irreverent humor. This bud’s for you.

30 Rock Shout-out

2009-04-24T07:35:00.000-07:00

Let me advise you all of my current obsession with the show 30 Rock. This show has been kicking my ass all over the place. It’s hilarious. This is significant, because I’m kind of a tough customer when it comes to television entertainment. With the boundless entertainment options available on the internet so very accessible with wireless internet connections and laptops, I tend to get bored with television very easily. I don’t know if this show is really genuinely funny, or if it’s just right up my humor alley.

There are two aspects to successful comedy: material and delivery, and this show does both extremely well. It has earned a blog shout-out. Who are the geniuses doing the writing? The ironic nuances they use are not lost on me, like Alec Baldwin portraying a conservative Republican corporate elitist, with pictures of him with GWB and Sarah Palin on his desk. They have the best guest stars, too (Edie Falco, Isabella Rosselini, Salma Hayek, Will Arnett, Jennifer Aniston, Jon Hamm, just to name a few). With this show immediately following The Office, the Thursday night lineup hasn’t been this win since the Golden Girls and Cosby were ruling the roost. Oh you heard me, Friends and Will & Grace. You heard me.

Tina Fey’s character pretty much anchors the format, and she has some good lines, but the other characters, Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin), Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan) and Jenna Moroney (Jane Krakowski) continually steal the show. Note that I did not include Kenneth the Page in that sentence. He is the only character that annoys me, but he does help set up lines for others, so I guess he has some value. Here are some of my all time favorite lines.

Jack: What are you doing?
Tracy: Payback. The way you treated me. You used me.
Jack: God, its like dating Katie Couric all over again. I didn’t use you. I created a situation that could have been mutually beneficial and you blew it.

Liz (when Jack is posing as a class member at her 20-year HS reunion): This won't work, Jack, you’re 50.
Jack: Rich 50 is middle class 38.

Jack: The crab is getting aroused. Shut it down, shut it down.

Kenneth: I know how you like this cornbread Mr. Jordan.
Tracy: LIKE it? I love this cornbread so much I wanna take it back behind the middle school and get it pregnant.

Jack: Look, Tracy, I can’t just give you money. But what I can do is show you how you can earn all the money you need. You must know Arsenio.
Tracy: Hall or Billingham?
Jack: You know someone named Arsenio Billingham?
Tracy: No.

Tracy: I want to hold a mirror up to society and then win world record for biggest mirror.

Liz: Okay, very funny. You bought a pager from Dennis. Will you take it off now, please?
Jack: Oh, I can’t. I’m expecting a call from 1983

Jack: Never go with a hippie to a second location.

Tracy: Live every week like it’s Shark Week

Tracy: Doctor Spaceman, when they check my DNA, will they tell me what diseases I might get, or help me to remember my ATM pin code?
Dr. Spaceman: Absolutely. Science is whatever we want it to be. I’ll let you know as soon as we have the results.
Tracy: I already know the results, the kid is not mine!
Dr. Spaceman: Boy, it’s crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. Different time, the ’60s

Jenna: If the president is so serious about the war on terror, why doesn’t he hunt down and capture Barack Obama before he strikes again?

Liz: I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider it erotica.
Jack: That man can wear a sweater.

Jack: How far would I have to let her go to get my old job back? Are we talking over the shirt frontsies, backsies or would I really have to give her my gift?

Jack (breaking up with his wife Bianca, played by Isabella Rosselini): I want back all the jewelry I ever bought you.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want the art supplies I gave you on your fortieth birthday and any subsequent art projects you made with them.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want all of our love letters.
Bianca: [laughing] Fine.
Jack: I want all of your parents' love letters.
Bianca: Fine.
Jack: I want full stake in the Arby’s franchise we bought outside of Telluride.
Bianca: Oh, dammit Johnny, you know I love my Big Beef and Cheddar.

Honestly, there are soooooo many more quotes that are comedy gold from this show. If you haven’t seen it, check it out.

Really?

2009-04-14T07:08:00.000-07:00

So did anyone hear about the lady in Germany who jumped into the polar bear exhibit at the zoo and did a swan dive into the artificial pond, hoping to play with the polar bears? She ended up getting mauled by one of them and the zoo people had to distract him with a leg of beef while they saved her fat ass. She is now in the hospital. There have been three similar incidents with GuGu the panda in China in the past three years.

Look, I totally appreciate that polar bears and pandas are cute and cuddly as hell. In fact, no one appreciates this reality more than I do. The difficult truth that I've had to accept is, pandas and polars know they're cute and they taunt us with it, because they also know they're ferocious and we can't ever cuddle or pet them. In fact, I'm convinced they purposely engage in cute human-type behaviors just to rub humanity's face in it.

For example:

Ok, what the hell. Here we have two grandstanding pandas side by side, eating identical bamboo shoots but pretending to be floutists, just so we'll fall all over ourselves taking pictures and say, "Oh my gosh they look like they are playing musical instruments, just like people. My head is about to explode." Rude.

And then there's this guy. He's all, "You can't even get close to me because I'm a baby and obviously in some kind of incubator, and you'll only ever see me in pictures and on youtube. Deal with it." And you have to deal with it, because look at that mug, the tiny paws, and all the wispy fur.

And this guy's not fooling me for one second. He's like, "Look, I'm just a panda, no need to make a big deal, I'm just trying to live my life, and eat this bamboo shoot in peace." Whatever. I don't believe it from Lindsey Lohan and I don't believe it from you.

But this duo might be the worst, because they are just sitting there calmly and not appearing to showboat, and you think to yourself, well maybe they really are enjoying a tranquil moment, mother and cub, and not trying to torture me. But the moment of giving them the benefit of the doubt is fleeting, because pandas are what they are, and they can't change their luxurious black and white color patterns, and as you can see, I'm onto them.

But don't think I'm giving polar bears a pass, because they're up to the same nasty tricks, as you can clearly see below.

Ok, this one is downright dangerous. He's in a supplicant's pose, being all, "Can't you see I'm lonely here in captivity, and I just want someone to play with? I'm so soft and white and fluffy and misunderstood." This is why people risk their lives, folks.

And these two jerks are slow dancing, using their forepaws like hands, as if that's what they are. Well, they're not. Terrible.

And this is one of the worst offenders I've seen yet. Not only are we dealing with a cub, the most obnoxious of all types of polar bears, but this one is a pro. Ears back, tongue slightly extended, all fluffed up from a recent bath, and jazz paws. Indefensible.

I've been meaning to get on this soapbox for a while, but this latest news story just put me over the edge. I'm not the only one fighting this battle, actually, and there's a blog I subscribe to that specializes in telling cute animals what's up. Check it out sometime. In the meantime, I better get back to work. I feel better now.

Update

2009-03-25T12:19:00.000-07:00

Friends, I got a new job. It was the craziest thing. I guess the word on the street is that I'm awesome (not really) because I wasn't even looking for a new job, but one day I just got a phone call, next thing I know I'm interviewing, and the next day I'm looking at a job offer I can't sanely turn down.

Seriously, though, I'm really excited about the new opportunity with this great firm. SO that's big news, right? Right! I start on Monday. (If anyone wants to know the firm, email me, because I wouldn't want anyone to google it and land on my blog...)

In the meantime, I had some vacation days to burn, and I have been exhausted for about 2 and a half years, so I'm taking a few Bets Burgess mental health days to prepare for my new challenge. Here's what I've been up to.

1) Discovering smoothies. I was at the gym the other day and decided to fly by the seat of my pants and try a smoothie. I have to tell you, I was surprised to discover the extent of its deliciousness. So since then, I've been driving around town, desperately seeking smoothies, because I feel ashamed going into my gym just for the sole purpose of buying a smoothie. I am pretty sure this is just one of my phases.

2) Getting my hairs and toes did. So I had to get a haircut because I was shaggy and of course I want to make a good impression at my new place of employment. The girl did a good job cutting my hair, but then she got this great idea to curl it in addition to blow drying it. It was poofy... really really poofy, but I let it go, because I didn't have the heart to tell her I was just headed home and not to a Louisiana beauty pageant. When Gavin got home, he definitely laughed in my face.

3) Massage. Nothing like paying a complete stranger to rub up on this. Actually I got a gift certificate as a parting gift from my firm (thanks guys!) so I cashed that puppy in today. They used all this aromatherapy lotion, and now I smell just like a box of junior mints.

4) Drinking alcohol. This is self-explanatory.

5) Watching All My Children. So I distinctly remember being 3 years old and watching AMC with my mom, and seeing Erica Kane on the screen, played by Susan Lucci. Well, the Lucci-Kane is still kickin' and she is a bad ass. Love. that. girl.

Well, I'm about to head out to meet my man and some friends for a drink (see #4). Until next time...

Rant.

2009-03-15T17:02:00.000-07:00

So I did my taxes today and I have this announcement to make. The IRS is nothing but a bunch of marauding bandits out to burgle me. They might as well bust in my house under cover of night, tie me down, and abscond with my grandma's jewelry. Grrrrrrr. Snarl. Gnash teeth.

Other than that unpleasantness, it's been a perfectly enjoyable weekend. Gavin and I saddled in with Showtime and watched a few movies this weekend, so here are my reviews:

1) A Mighty Heart.

Angelina Jolie plays Mariane Pearl, the wife of Daniel Pearl, the journalist who was kidnapped and beheaded by Muslim extremists in Pakistan in 2003. Good movie. It makes you think and takes you back to that "9-11 just happened and I am a mixture of scared and pissed off" place. AJ did a pretty good job playing MP, who is biracial and French, so that was good acting.

She must have had only one wig, though, because her hair looked exactly the same in every scene: a big voluminous updo with strategically placed tendrils. Out to dinner - updo. Surfing the net - updo. Going to bed - updo. Waking up - updo. Getting married - updo. That struck me as unrealistic and I tend to pick movies and books apart that have these type of suspension of reality (or in this case, hair) going on.
2) Open Water 2: Adrift

This little gem is a sequel to the movie about the couple who got stranded by their scuba tour boat and left in the middle of the ocean to be devoured by sharks, despite all of their efforts to survive. Out of necessity, this sequel sports a whole new set of characters - a party of 6 friends from college, in their early 30s, who go out on a trip on a big yacht. After some drinks, they all decide to go swimming and jump over the side. No problem, right? Wrong! No one remembers to lower the ladder so they can't get back on the boat and they are stuck in the middle of the ocean with nothing but their wits and a boat they can't get on. This sounds like something that could actually happen. Anyway, they try everything, they panic, yada yada yada, only two survive. Barely. I gave away the ending. It's ok, because it's really not worth watching. You're welcome.

3) 3:10 to Yuma

Ok, look. It's no secret that Russell Crowe is not my fave. Neither is Christian Bale for that matter, since this little incident proved he can't be trusted. So this movie unfortunately started out the gate with two strikes against it. Three, if you count the fact that I generally don't like westerns because the people are always sweaty and/or dirty. This particular western was superdy-duper western. I mean they had tumbleweeds, cattle, saloons, old westerny townsfolk, saloons with swinging doors... every cliche you can imagine. This also annoyed me, but I can't clearly articulate why. Anyhoo... the movie was pretty boring until about the last 15 minutes, which were really good. The problem is you have to watch the first 2 hours so you can appreciate why the last 15 minutes are good.

I also did a lot of walking out on the greenway on Saturday - about two hours on the trails. I didn't set out to walk for that long, but once I got that far away from my car I had to walk back, so that explains that. Great exercise though. I'm also back into cereal, eating some golden grahams lately. That's about it. Lata!

Rollin along

2009-03-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

Hey all, well, I'm happy to report that things are calming down in my orbit. In addition to working, I've been intermittently observing the headlines. I know things suck pretty bad in just about every possible way, but I would like to note for the record that there is about zero optimism going on in the media. WTF happened with my rock-solid prediction that once Obama took office we'd be enjoying a markedly different positive vibe from the liberal media? What a bunch of Negative Nancies. Terrible.

Here's some good news: these past two weekends have been Tony the Tiger great. As you know, Gavin's Nana and Mom came to town last weekend and we just had a really fun time visiting.

We did not go see the bodies, instead opting to have a nice leisurely lunch, show the girls around town, and visit at home with a couple bottles of wine. Here is a pic of Gavin with his mom and Nana. Awwwwwww.

You may note that my mom-in-law is sporting a mangled paw. That is the result of a quiet evening of oyster shucking gone terribly wrong, necessitating a trip to the ER and an actual general anesthesia operation. I understand it hurt pretty shucking bad.

This weekend my pal Mary came to town and this morning we got up ass-early and went to breakfast with a couple pals. It was fun. Shoutout!

And finally, here is a random pic of two of my favorite chinchillas, Gavin and Maddie, snuggling on the couch....

ooh - Big Love is on - gots to go, check me out later this week. I've been thinking (I know, bad news bears, right?) and I'll be sure to share said thoughts soon.

Hey everyone, I'm back from my guilt trip

2009-02-26T08:32:00.000-08:00

Hey friends. So I'm back... I had to take a break because those last two posts really wore me out. Speaking of those last two posts, my parents aren't really talking to me right now, but I figure they're only in their early sixties so we have plenty of time to patch things up. Just kidding, they were pretty good sports about the whole thing, although I did have to pack my bags and take the requisite guilt trip... a familiar trek indeed. The truth is, I come from a long line of sarcastic smarta*ses, so they took it all in stride.

What's new... let's see. Gavin's mom and grandmother are coming to town on Saturday and we're trying to figure out something fun to do to entertain them while they're here. Anyone care to hazard a suggestion? We were thinking of going to see the bodies exhibit downtown, but frankly, I find myself on the horns of a dilemma: On the one hand, I feel like this is a fascinating scientific display that is certainly worthwhile to visit, and that we should take advantage of it while it's here. On the other hand, gross me out. I hate to be like that, but these are peoples' actual dead bodies on display, essentially for entertainment. Really? I'm not sure Nana will be all about that... it's newfangled, to say the least. We'll just have to see.

My book club decided to read the book I previously plugged on this blog, called Shattered Dreams: My life as a polygamist wife by Irene Spencer, so that leaves me wide open for book suggestions. Bring it. Remember, I'm looking for something edifying, yet interesting, so I can keep up with my New Years Resolutions.

Hey, speaking of resolutions, it's Lent, and during this time of the year, we Catholics are supposed to resolve to commit to give something up that we like and enjoy, or do something for others that is hard for us, as a way of commemorating the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus. That is your theology lesson of the day. After 12 years of Catholic school, I have about a million. I'm late to this game but I'm trying to think of something to do. Right now I'm basically going to try to get to church on a regular basis, which will be hard enough. Hopefully I will arrive at a meaningful decision before Easter.

Well, back to real life.... lata.

Cell phone mems

2009-02-19T10:07:00.000-08:00

So after my last post, my good friend Jennifer from college was so kind as to remind me about my college cell phone. I think it is definitely worth a blog post. I entered college in the fall of 1998 and graduated in the spring of 2002. During that period of time, the cell phones pretty much all looked like this:

or this:

Mine, on the other hand, looked a little something like this:

It was a hand-me-down from my Dad's stash o' cold-war era cell phones. My Dad's philosophy with cell phones was similar to his philosophy with cars. They just needed to work, and with cell phones, they just needed to work in an emergency.

A few fun facts about my college cell phone:

1) It had no memory capability, so I had to actually memorize people's phone numbers and dial them on the giant keypad every time; I couldn't just program them in.

2) It had no voicemail capability or "missed calls" feature. If you called me and I didn't answer, you had to just keep trying because I would never know it.

3) No fun ringtones -- just one, ear-piercingly-loud-digital-office-phone sounding ring that could be heard well above the crowds or music in a bar or club. It definitely couldn't be set to vibrate, but might have had a silent feature... if it did I never learned to use it because the manual had been lost when I was in junior high, around the time when the phone was purchased. This helped me to avoid missing calls, which was important because of #2. Unfortunately this also meant I couldn't take it a lot of places.

4) It only fit in big purses.

5) Again, it was ok to make fun of it. My friends called it the Zack Morris phone, because it looked like the one Zack used on Saved By the Bell, circa 1992? Behold.

So anyway, imagine me tooling around Auburn in the Sable, in all it's masking-taped, cow-seated glory, chatting on my Zack Morris cell phone, and you can see why my personality is so great... I had a lot to overcome!

Just kidding, it was fun, and I would never change a thing. If I had normal amenities in college I wouldn't have the pleasure of blogging about them today, and again I learned some valuable lessons about growing up and earning the things you want, instead of having them handed to you. So, old cell phone, wherever you are, this next Bud's for you.

Drive down memory lane

2009-02-16T18:41:00.000-08:00

So a friend of mine got a new car this past weekend, and as we were talking about the nice shiny new car, it got me thinking about an old familiar car in my past. The Sable.

The Sable was my college car, that my Dad gave me my freshman year at Auburn. It was a 1991 Mercury that came into my life in 1999. It taught me a lot about life, gratitude, and most importantly, humility. You see, there were six of us kids, and Dad believed that, when it came to vehicles, we only needed something to get us around. We could have a nice car when we got a job and could buy it ourselves. This produced some fun cars for the brood... the Pumpkin, the Silver Bullet, the Rosewood, the Roach....

I have pics of the Sable of course... in fact I have one framed in my office right now. Unfortunately I have none on my computer. BUT I found this photo on the internet that is a reasonably accurate depiction. Behold.

Here are some fun facts about the Sable:

1. It had been totaled at least once. My dad, being in the automotive paint and body repair industry at the time, saved it from a premature journey to the scrap heap and had his guys put it back together with scrap parts and Bondo.

2. It was silver... mostly. The rear door on the passenger side was a distinctly different color. To be fair, it was in the same general color family as the rest of the car, but that particular shade was clearly the result of some guesswork in the paint booth. I suspect my Dad used this car as a training tool for some new employee. Way to kill two birds with one stone, Dad - I didn't need my car to look cool or normal or monochromatic! Whatevs!

3. After firing her up, I could completely remove the keys from the ignition and the car would continue to operate as though they never left. Sometimes they just fell out.

4. Due to a few mysterious stains on the seats, I installed luxurious furry black and white faux cow seat covers on the front and rear seats. These were financed by several successful "cow seat collection drives" which were also known as keggers at our apartment junior year, during which people would literally put money in a big cylindrical container (generously donated and decorated by Kristin's stepmom) that said "Cow Seat Collection Drive." By my senior year, the cow seats had made the Sable famous around town. The cow seats were the one cool thing about the Sable. I would park that b*tch right there on the sorority hill, among the beamers and the shiny new SUVs, and it could be proud, because of the cow seats.

5. I had luxurious big furry dice on the rearview to go with the seats. During football season I attached a tiger tail to the trunk, and I had some nice Auburn and University of Margaritaville (from spring break in Key West) decals sprucing up the rear window.

6. It was huge, like a big beautiful silver/gray barge with cow seats. I could fit seven people in the Sable, and did regularly, once for the five-hour road trip (with traffic) to Tuscaloosa and back for the 2000 Iron Bowl. All the luggage fit easily in the giant trunk. We all leaned forward, and we were off! Kristin rode the whole way with furry dice in her face and didn't complain at all (riiiiight).

7. The speedometer only went up to 85. Literally, that was the highest number on the speedometer, located all the way at the end, as though the Mercury factory folks felt exceeding that speed was unthinkable. Truthfully, in the Sable it was, because if you went over 63, it started to shake.

8. The odometer was so far over 100,000 that it had completely started over, and if you didn't know better, you'd think it had normal mileage for an 8,9, 10-year-old car. Really, it was that number plus 100,000.

9. Once someone rammed into it while it was innocently parked at my apartment complex, destroying one of the headlights. I drove it home, and my dad took me out to a real live scrap yard. I watched as he pried a headlight off a Ford Taurus from the same era, and had one of his guys hook the wires up. It worked, but it didn't exactly fit, so he wrapped white masking tape around it and told me not to drive too fast, or it would go flying off. It stayed like that for the rest of the time I had it, which was at least a year, probably more.

10. It was ok to make fun of the Sable. I was cool with it. Meg called it the Disable, and that caught on.

11. The Sable finally died in the parking lot of Varsity Tans in Auburn, about three months before I graduated. I put that baby into reverse, and well, nothing happened. Apparently the transmission blew, and the thousand or so it would have cost to fix it totaled the whole car. April had to come pick me up and I cried for days. My Dad really came through for me, sending up my mom's 1997 Bonneville on a tow truck and towing the Sable away. It was a sad day.

12. This is what succeeded the Sable, and what I drove throughout law school. Thar she blows! Seriously, though, I felt like I was driving a Bentley - it was so great.
Haha - people don't wonder why I bought a brand new convertible after I landed my first job out of law school. These cars were blessings though, because without them I would have been stranded all the time. They were really life lessons on wheels, because I learned that cars are really just cars, and you should impress people with who you are, not what you have, and finally, that fancy sporty shiny new cars don't make you cool - cow seats do.

Sable - wherever you are - this Bud's for you.

Valentine's Weekend

2009-02-16T10:03:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day was wayyy fun this year! Gavin and I grilled out steaks, popped open some wine, and hung out at the house. We thought about watching a movie, but decided to play Monopoly instead, and it was really fun and different. Yesterday Gavin barbecued all day long and last night we had Alan and Lori over to help us eat it and watch Big Love. Woo hoo!

So check out Maddie's new obsesssion. Meet Frankly Burgess. He's a chia teddy bear that Santa/Grandma also brought. This is him on Friday, before Maddie ate his face off. He's a little thinner now, but still hanging in there. I think we should all think twice before we get too attached to Frankly.

I LOVE LAS VEGAS

2009-02-10T07:37:00.001-08:00

Hey guys! I'm back! OMG, we had such a great time -- out of control. Let me just tell you, the team came to play. I am still so exhausted.

Ok, here's the rundown. We all got there on Thursday at various times. First Meg, then me, then Leah and April. We stayed at the Hard Rock and Thursday night we hung out there and met some colorful characters, played some blackjack, and stayed out until it was literally morning. Friday I hit the strip (alone - everyone else was in the bed) and visited with a college friend who was actually in Vegas the same time as me (weird, but yay). Friday night, after everyone managed to get up and take showers, we had dinner at the Pink Taco and saw Elton John at Caesar's Palace, which was AWESOME, and then we hit some clubs. Saturday night we went to Tao for dinner, then hit more clubs. We later found out that Kevin Federline was at Tao nightclub while we were at the restaurant. We didn't meet him. DAMN.

This is us at Tao before dinner....

This is one of the colorful characters we met at Wasted Space, a club at the Hard Rock, after Elton on Friday night. Motley Crue played at the Hard Rock two of the three nights we were there, so the clientele at the hotel mostly looked like this guy all weekend. Great people watching - I cannot even tell you. He let us touch his mohawk.

So much happened in between that I cannot even begin to tell the story here on my blog. BUT, I will share some quotes with you. Some of the speakers are identified, and some are not, out of respect for the Vegas code... the unidentified speakers could be anyone - a Team Vegas member, or a random we encountered along the way.... I will leave it up to your imagination...

Meg: That old guy with the beard is looking at you.
Me: Yeah. That is one big rugby shirt.

"Can we touch your mohawk?"

“Look, if you’re going to spank me, do it like you mean it. I enjoy a good spanking.”

“I want to get to know you emotionally during my weekend trip to Vegas.”

Me: I just hope Elton doesn’t play Alligator Rock. I just really don't like that song.
Leah: Isn’t it Crocodile Rock?
April: I hope he plays I’m Still Sitting, Orange Brick Road, and Hold me Closer, Tony Danza.

“I will wear a furry bear outfit and feed you honey if it will keep you off drugs.”

“I’m doing my part this weekend to help the economy. Specifically the hashbrown industry.”

Guy in bar, pointing at each of us: “Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Trouble.”

“Flex your butt muscles.”
“I am.”
(slapping) “Really? I can’t tell.”

“Wild Panda! Go b*tch go!”

“Quick survey: Man or woman?”
“Man. No wait – I think I see cleavage. But it’s hairy cleavage. I’m so confused.”

“Sorry I keep putting my crotch in your face.”

GREAT TIME! Can't wait for the next adventure.

Just great.

2009-02-04T16:27:00.000-08:00

I'll fix you later, Steve Burgess.

Everyone get excited - I'm heading to Vegas tomorrow! Blog post to follow.....

Corrections and Updates

2009-02-02T15:04:00.001-08:00

Just to clarify, I leave for Tampa tomorrow, not Wednesday. I'd hate to throw my stalkers off my scent.

Also, Steve Burgess has a new wound, on the anterior aspect of his right deltoideus muscle. I managed to stop the fluffrhaging in time, but we'll probably have to amputate if this madness continues. No way could this guy get life insurance.

Triple Threat Review

2009-02-01T18:29:00.001-08:00

I wanted to make sure I blogged before my schedule descends into utter chaos this week. I'm flying down to Tampa on Wednesday, then driving to Orlando, then to Ocala, then back to Tallahassee, and then I take off for LAS VEGAS on Thursday!

First off, let me say that Gavin and I had such a fun weekend. On Saturday, we decided that we needed new pillows for our bed, so we hopped in the car and scooted down to Macy's to pillow-shop. On the way to the pillows, we encountered the mattresses. I couldn't resist sacking out on a few of them. I dominate sleep so this was like Clarence Clemens walking through a saxophone store, or Roger Federer walking through a tennis racquet store, or Bill Clinton walking through a store full of interns. I had to stop and sample the merchandise.

The sales associate taught us so much technical information about all the different mattresses, and it really got us thinking about upgrading our mattress to an actual name brand, or at least something I didn't acquire as a broke law school student. To be continued...

So anyway, after we picked out some pillows, we went out to one of the greenways in town and walked all through the trails. We walked by a pond and Gavin said he thought he heard an alligator and to be quiet, and to remember to run diagonally, in zigzags. WTF! Are you serious? I was terrified. We got out of there fast, diagonally.

We then encountered a couple raccoons. One of them heard us coming and froze on the tree he was climbing at the time, making eye contact with us. Gavin snapped some pictures on his phone but when I looked at them I couldn't locate the raccoon. Maybe it was a raccoon ghost and we are raccoon mediums. Media? Mediums.

After taking a walk, we went home, freshened up, and continued on our daylong date by going to dinner at a new sushi restaurant in town: Japanica. If you haven't been, definitely go. Gavin and I are actually kind of picky about our sushi, and we thought this place came to play. Check it out.

We then went to see Benjamin Button. Finally. I thought it was pretty good, but not quite as good as Frost/Nixon or Milk. The story was certainly original and the acting was phenomenal. I want to check out Slumdog Millionaire next.

Finally, I just finished a great non-fiction learny book: Shattered Dreams by Irene Spencer. It's the best kind of educational book because it's also very juicy and scandalous. It's about the author's experience living as a plural wife in fundamental Mormonism. SO interesting. After almost every chapter I had to stop and ask Gavin if he wanted another wife. I do that during Big Love, too. He always says no, so I guess so far so good.

So, to recap: mattress shopping is fun, run diagonally from alligators, we see dead raccoons, Japanica has delicious sushi, Benjamin Button was good, and check out that book about the polygamous fringe sect. Lata!

This is pretty cool

2009-01-31T15:43:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine who lives in the northeast spotted this street sign in Rye, NY and took a pic for me. For those of you who don't know, my maiden name is Brown, so this is way fun! I want to live there!

Triage.

2009-01-27T07:36:00.000-08:00

I knew this would happen, I just didn't think it would be so soon. This morning, Maddie chewed a hole in Steve Burgess's armpit and now he is hemmorhaging fluff everywhere. We immediately had to confiscate him, feverishly gather and replace as much fluff as possible, and isolate him securely in a drawer. Now it's up to me to find a sewing kit over my lunch break, and perform trauma surgery, stat. Check back for details. Obviously, the deeper question for all of us to ponder here is, why do we destroy the ones we love? No Maddie, it doesn't hurt so good. Not for Steve.

In other news, The Drowsy Chaperone was a great musical! It was really fun and entertaining. Snaps to my old roomie Ashley for going with me. We had a great time! We sat in the front row, and let me tell you, it is a whole different experience that close up. We could see the droplets of sweat on the actors and the spit that issued forth during various numbers. We could also see everything going on backstage, on the left and right. While all of this may have distracted others, it only added to the experience for me. Yay musical theater!

Frost/Nixon Movie Review

2009-01-25T09:11:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, Gavin and I caught the matinee of Frost/Nixon. Essentially, it's a movie about a series of interviews between a British talk-show host and Richard Nixon shortly after Nixon's resignation and fall from grace.

This was one of those movies that is so interesting that it makes you want to go home and research the subject matter a little more. The movie opens shortly after Gerald Ford gave Nixon a full pardon with regard to his role in the Watergate fiasco. This move, while some debate was necessary to help the nation move forward, was highly controversial, and left many Americans feeling completely unsatisfied and angry that Nixon, by virtue of his stature as President, would never face justice like a regular citizen would.

The purpose of the interviews was to elicit honest answers from Nixon about his role in the Watergate cover-up, and ultimately, to get an apology. How Frost manages to pull this off is the most compelling aspect of the movie. The acting is phenomenal. I expected the movie to demonize Nixon, but it really didn't. Surprisingly, it portrayed him rather sympathetically as a human being wracked with regret.

If you lived through the Watergate scandal, you will probably enjoy this stroll down memory lane. If you just like history, politics, or tales of real life scandal and conspiracy, like me, I highly recommend it.

Dog days of January.

2009-01-21T18:56:00.000-08:00

This is Maddie's new toy that Santa brought. His name is Steve Burgess and she is obsessed with him. She carries Steve around in her mouth constantly and won't let us touch him except to throw him across the room for her to run after him and rescue him over and over. I've already had to steal Steve and wash him in the washing machine twice. He squeaks when she chews on him, which isn't annoying, I promise.

And this is my glorious reunion with Taco in Gainesville yesterday! He was so happy to see me. This is him asking me for nachos.

First work trip of 2009

2009-01-19T20:21:00.000-08:00

Honestly folks, 2009 is looking like it's going to be an especially travelly one. I just inherited a bunch of central FL cases, so I'll be heading south quite frequently, which could be fun, if I can squeeze in some visitation time with my peeps who live down here. The problem with work trips is that they usually involve some work, and these aren't just the fun, marketing, take-the-clients-out-to-lunch/dinner/spas-and-be-my-sparkly-charming-self kind of work trips. Blast (fist in air).

Anyhoooo.... tonight and tomorrow I'm in Tampa. So this was fun - see if you can picture it. I'm at the airport, waiting to board my flight. Texting, texting, trying to recall if I have pissed off any geese recently, asking my friends if they recall me pissing off any geese, when I hear an announcement that my flight is boarding "all passengers."

Me: (getting up, gathering my stuff, toddling over to the gate with my backpack and boarding pass)
Gate agent (I don't know her name but she looked like a Ralph so we'll call her Ralph): Elizabeth Burgess?
Me: Yes, that's me.
Ralph: You've got your own private plane down to Tampa.
Me: Beg your pardon?
Ralph: Yep, you're the only one on the flight. We'll go ahead and board you as soon as everyone's off. I'll escort you out to the plane myself.
Me: That is hilarious, Ralph.
Ralph: This is rare and probably won't ever happen to you again.
Me: Duly noted.

So, no kidding, I walk with Ralph out to the plane, which was one of those really small turboprop things like the one I blogged about when I went to West Palm Beach last year. The pilots are waving and smiling at me from the cockpit because let's face it, it's comical that the pilots outnumber the passengers. I mean, it's funny as long as it's not the culmination of an elaborate kidnapping plot. Here are some pros and cons of having a plane all to yourself.

Pro: You get to speak to and establish a rapport with the pilots.
Con: The pilot and copilot appear to be 12 and 13 years old, respectively.

Pro: No other passengers to worry about, so you take off early and get off the plane super fast.
Con: No other passengers for me to look at when we hit turbulence, gauge their reaction, and decide whether or not it's appropriate for me to freak out.

Pro: The cabin temperature was adjusted for my comfort and my comfort only.
Con: I always think I'm cold and then get hot, but it's hard to justify conveying that to pre-teens while they're flying a tiny plane in unnervingly cloudy conditions with potentially murderous waterfowl around.

All in all, it was fun, although I'm not sure how it happened. I'll try not to get used to it.

That's all I got for now... hopefully going to get a reunion with Taco tomorrow - keep your fingers crossed that it works out for me!

A moment captured....

2009-01-17T07:44:00.000-08:00

The instant I discovered the cheeks on my camera.....

Shenanigans.

2009-01-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

So this weekend was another bonanza of world-record smashing fun. Gavin and I went down to St. Pete for a wedding… we rode down there with our pals Fish and Erin and had a BLAST. We danced all night. Here are some pics:

Here’s a funny thing that happened towards the end of the night. After the reception, we all boarded a bus and headed out to the bars. I glanced down at my camera and started scrolling through the photos I had taken when, what do I see? A hiney, that’s what. A hairy, unmistakably male butt. Someone had absconded with my camera and taken a picture of his caboose. I found it simultaneously hilarious and revolting. And I guess you could say I was determined to crack the case.

Of course all the guys were denying they were the culprit, and some were reliably exonerated by their wives, after taking a good look at the evidence. I was at the point of making everyone drop trou and do a hiney line-up (so to speak) when the guilty party confessed. I guess he needed to assuage his conscience?

I thought about posting the pics…. But then I thought I’d be entering territory on this blog that I haven’t entered yet, which is not to say I never will, but I figured, after posting what is basically nudity, it might be hard to go back.

So, the bottom line is, I will leave it to your imagination.

Great time!

National Chomps.

2009-01-09T07:57:00.000-08:00

So last night was fun! We had our friends Alan and Lori over and we all watched the College Football National Championship game. Gavin’s beloved Florida Gators made it to the show, and Alan and Lori are Gator alums, so it was a big Gator love-fest at my place last night, complete with me wearing my new authentic straight-outta-Gainesville Gators wifebeater that Mary gave me. (She says it’s a “ribbed tank”... riiiiiight - j/k Mary - you know I loves it... I actually wore it to bed after the game, it was so comfy - soft and cottony).

So anyway, I was jealous and bitter, cursing Auburn’s suckitude once again. BUT, Auburn is an SEC team after all, and SEC wins over other conferences garner more respect for the conference as a whole, which benefits Auburn, so I feel like that justifies the wifebeater love. I made pizza rolls and baked cookies for us to chomp on. The beverage of choice was beer.

Another thing: can I just say that shopping really is a pleasure at Publix? Lori and I went there at halftime to re-beer and get cookie dough and had the nicest conversation with our checkout-lady, Dorothy. Last time I was there I had a similar experience with Anthony, the young man who checked me out that day. This is way fun for me, since I love talking to strangers. I’ll still do most of my shopping at Wally-mart because it’s so cheap, but Publix, I love you.

Tomorrow we head down to Tampa for our pals’ wedding - stay tuned for pics of the party!

Confession Time

2009-01-06T08:11:00.000-08:00

So I felt better after my last post, wherein I confessed to being scared of homeless people who talk to themselves. That got me thinking that perhaps it might be good for me to bare my soul about a few other facts about myself that I’m not necessarily super duper proud of, but that are true as the day is long and denying them is futile. Here’s what I got:

1) We all know I love Barbra, soft rock, show tunes, and classical music. But I also love me some gangsta rap songs... I mean really really love them, and some with truly indefensible lyrics. I can’t help it - they get me pumped up and they are absolutely essential when I work out. I don’t necessarily approve of the sentiments of the rappers, of course, but I have to listen to something upbeat and energetic when I’m exercising, right? I mean throw me a bone (Thugs n’ Harmony) here.

2) I secretly judge people for certain types of improper grammar.

The most egregious grammar offenses:

a) You’re v. your
b) It’s v. its
c) Using apostrophes to denote plurality (example: I have two dog’s, as opposed to one), and apostrophe abuse in general.

Now, I’m not saying I never make mistakes, because I do, and sometimes I take considerable artistic license with grammar on this blog (I like dashes, parentheses, and ellipses), because I feel that phrasing a sentence a certain way better expresses my point and my personal voice.

I’m also not necessarily offended by other types of technically incorrect grammatical phrasing, like dangling participles and ending sentences with prepositions, I mean, who doesn’t do that? I'm sure I make mistakes all the time and I'm not even aware that it's happening. In short, I'm not a grammar snob, BUT the repeated violation of a, b, and c get to me. If you have a problem with a, b, or c: get help.

3) I am pretty much incapable of wasting anything. Gavin thinks I somehow traveled back in time and lived through the Great Depression and then came back to the present and married him because I am so parsimonious with our money and if we buy something we better use it all the time. If it’s food, we better eat all of it.

With regard to household items and clothes, I tend to pathologically break the utility of things I buy down into units of one dollar. For example, if I’m going to spend $50 on that sweater, I need to know that I’m going to wear the sweater 50 times. If I’m going to spend $1,000 on a TV, then we are going to need to keep it long enough to watch at least 1000 hours of programming. I think it is a good system because it really makes you think before you purchase. This is why I go to the library: because under my system, it’s difficult to justify paying $25 for a book I will read one time. If I do have to buy a book (this only occurs under very limited circumstances, like when we need a travel book or my book club selection is not available at the ‘brary) I buy used from amazon.com. Yes, I’m deranged and possibly dangerous.

Honestly, I’m trying to relax a little bit about this, but it’s just me; I can’t help it. I can honestly say though, that it has helped me save a lot of money over the years. If anyone wants to psychoanalyze me, go for it.

4) There are at least ten (10) people from college who have friended me on facebook that I don't remember at all. I have no idea who they are but I am pretty sure we knew each other at some point because we have lots of mutual friends and it makes sense that we would have been pals once upon a time. I was pretty social in college so I'm sure at that point in my life I looooved these people and hung out with them at parties and stuff. This is my fault, not theirs. So I fake it. Sometimes it comes back to me after a few days, weeks, or months. Sometimes it doesn't.

5) Last night I ate ice cream directly from the carton.

Ahhhh confession is good for the soul.

Full Read Ahead

2009-01-05T19:00:00.001-08:00

Well, I am hitting the ground running with my resolutions. Yesterday I went to the 'brary and got my first didactic (this word means learny - another resolution is to expand my vocabulary) book of the year.

It's called "The Fall and Rise of the Islamic State" and it is very interesting. I read about half of it last night. Go me! It is essentially about how the people of some middle eastern countries want to go back to an ancient government system founded in Islamic law (the Shar'ia) as opposed to maintaining a more modern secular government system with some semblance of division between church and state (or in this case, mosque and state), and how this shift would affect the rest of the world. Very interesting. It also doesn't hurt that it was written by this Harvard Professor.... Rawr.

Ok, confession time. Sometimes I am scared of homeless people. This is unfortunate, because I love the downtown library, and apparently that is where homeless people love to hang out. I have to pass by them and not give them money almost every time I enter. It's sad because they are often intoxicated or have obvious psychiatric problems. Yesterday I almost tripped over an empty broken bottle of chardonnay on my way up the stairs and it was obvious to me how it got there. Sorry if this makes me appear insensitive - I'm not proud of it - that's why it's a confession. I'm sure they're harmless, but the fact is they scare me... especially the ones that talk to themselves. If anyone has suggestions in this regard, I'll be happy to take them.

What else, what else. Oh yes - the Florida Gators are playing for the National Championship Thursday night. I'll be cheering on my husband's team, you know, to support my Chinchilla. I recently received an authentic Gators wifebeater from Gainesville (I'm not kidding) as a gift (thanks Mary!) which, yes, I will be wearing for the game. No jorts though - that's where I draw the line. At jorts.

Thanks everyone for the book suggestions - keep them coming!

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-03T18:07:00.000-08:00

Ok, here they are, folks. I hope you can all help me achieve the following resolutions this year. I expect you to make it a priority.

1) Read one edifying non-fiction book per month. I enjoy fiction books, but I realize that I need to read more non-fiction, learny-type books so I can continue to grow my intellect. That is something good non-fiction books will do for you. Not to knock the Twilight series, but I'm pretty sure reading fiction specifically written for the 14-year-old girl demographic won't broaden my horizons or teach me anything new, except maybe how vampire boys are sooo cute, like I didn't already know that.

I realize all too well that many of you think I deserve a beating for these Twilight comments (my tires will probably be slashed five minutes after I post this), but I read half of the first installment for my book club, and actually felt my IQ drop several points. (Yes, I am an ass, but I'm only trying to get a leg up on resolution #2, see below.)

I generally enjoy the educational non-fiction books I read, (The Nine, And the Band Played On, A Civil Action, The Millionaire Next Door, Good to Great, etc.) so this shouldn't be too difficult. I will even be so kind as to share what I learn, right here on the blog. You're so lucky to know me.

2) More sarcasm. Increased quality and quantity. Because there can never be enough.

3) Spend more weekends at home. The traveling has gotten a little out of control. I will be traveling even more for work this year, and I tend to get burned out if I am traveling all over the place numerous weekends in a row or 3 out of 4 weekends a month. Enough. I need some free weekends to regroup, clean my house, do laundry, go on dates with Gavin. I say this like it will actually happen. I'm always on the move and that probably won't change in '09.

4) Keep up the gym activities. A few years ago I read an article in a fitness magazine that advised doing 200 minutes of cardio per week. So, I made a resolution to do this. I had more time back then, so I started out doing 40 minutes 5 days per week. As time has gone on and I've taken on more responsibilities at work, I now do 50 minutes 4 days per week, to cut down on the number of trips to the gym.

I like how it's going; it's not easy, but manageable, and no one has had to dress me in tents or move me with a crane since I started, so my resolution is to keep it up and not fall behind.

5) I resolve not to sweat the small stuff. I need to let things roll off my back more this year. F it. That's my new motto.

And that's it folks. I think that's enough. Let's hear your book suggestions!

Movie Review: Milk

2009-01-03T10:09:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to see this movie for a while. Actually, this is probably one of those movies you'd call a film, since it was only playing at the off-beat theater that generally only shows films. You can see movies down at the mall, but you have to go to this particular theater to see a film.

A few years back I read a fascinating non-fiction book called "And the Band Played On" by Randy Shilts, an investigative journalist with the San Francisco Chronicle in the '80s. The book explains how the AIDS virus first infiltrated the United States, and clearly illuminates the socio-cultural factors that caused it to spread so fast through the gay community and permeate the heterosexual community as well.

The title of the book is an apt reference to the historical fact that, as the Titanic sank, the band continued to play and play, as though nothing was wrong. The title is a brilliant choice because the book reveals how the gay community, and the medical community, lived in denial about the disease (each community for its own interesting reasons) even when all the signs were there, until it was too late to contain it. It really is a fascinating book, and I recommend it highly, particularly if you like to learn.

The book is largely based in San Francisco, and contains numerous references to Harvey Milk, the first openly gay elected official in the U.S., so when I heard this movie was coming out I decided I definitely wanted to see it for two main reasons: 1) It provides more of a backdrop to the book, as it takes place in the late 70s, while the book takes place in the 80s, and 2) Because it has to do with the evolution of civil rights in America, which, as a legal professional, I am always interested in learning about.

I was not disappointed. 5 stars. It was an excellent movie, inspirational and entertaining. Sean Penn is really an exceptionally talented actor, and I'm not one to hand out that kind of praise lightly. I don't see that many movies, because I don't really like most of the drivel that oozes out of Hollywood these days and feel like my time is better spent reading, but this movie was well worth the time and money. Shout-out to my friend Jana for going with me.

Other movies I want to see right now: Benjamin Button, Valkyrie, Doubt, and Marley & Me. Note that this is unusual because I currently want to see 4 movies and normally that number is 0.

I hope to see BB this weekend, so I'll post my thoughts, even though most of you have probably seen it by now.

Also want to thank my sisters Nikki and Maria and my cousin Amy for all the haikus they composed in the comments section of my last post. You guys are so talented, really... smartasses... (one can clearly see how it runs in the family).

2008: A year in haiku.

2009-01-01T16:48:00.000-08:00

I have been contemplating 2008 and came up with a few haikus to recap the year. Please feel free to add your own haikus in the comments section if you feel so moved.

Ahem:

All my nemeses
This year were victorious
Each may kiss my ass.

To Sarah Palin
You were a fine woman-crush
I’m glad you stopped by.

Taco love knows no
Limitation or reason
Cute, small, tiny paws.

Maddie, Sugarbear
Lights of my life, so furry
Love treats, hate sweaters.

Economy sucks.
But I'm ok; People love
To sue our clients.

Dear Auburn Tigers:
Don’t ruin my life again
Next season. Love, Bets.

Got in my car and
You got to be kitten me
Guilt. Tears. Rabies shots.

I feel a little zen now. I'm still thinking about New Year's resolutions.... will post soon...

Things I am excited about in the New Year

2008-12-30T09:54:00.000-08:00

Wow, folks. Time is a mysterious dimension. I can’t believe it’s already almost 2009. John Lennon was way right when he said that life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. We've got to make every moment count.

Gavin and I are looking at our 5th wedding anniversary this year, and our 30 birthdays. I’m going to cry about that one, because I’m still so young and hip at heart. Ok, not really, because even when I was genuinely young, I never was hip, but I tried. I feel like I’ve always been kind of hip in a geeky, pun-loving way. Right friends? Right. Well, 30th birthday or not, here are some things I’m really looking forward to in ’09.

1) Erin and Adam’s wedding in Tampa in a couple weeks. FUN! Gavin and I go to an absurd number of weddings, and we love every single one we go to.

This one will be great because we will see all our old law school friends again. I am also especially excited about this wedding because Adam and Erin first got to know each other at our wedding. So basically this wedding is happening all because of me.

In light of that, I’m pretty sure this one has serious “I’m going to get out of control with my old cohorts knowing that I’ll wake up feeling like the cat I ran over last month but not caring because alcohol and nostalgia are involved” potential. So, definitely check back for pictures.

2) Las Vegas in February. The team is in training, getting ready for the big trip.

Imagine a musical montage if you will, (a la “Rocky” or “Team America”). The song is “Eye of the Tiger” and each member of Team Vegas is engaged in various preparatory activities:

Leah is practicing blackjack (she’s a high stakes player, which intrigues me);
I am bringing the pain at the gym, trying to get my stamina up for the late nights, sweating on the elliptical, lifting weights, drinking beer instead of Gatorade between reps;
April is assiduously browsing, purchasing, and reading Las Vegas travel books, taking notes while listening to Elton on the ipod;
Meg is doing tai chi or yoga;
Holly is hitting a large punching bag.

3) Vacation with Gavin. We are thinking about doing something low key this year, meaning that we are not going to Europe like we have the past two years. We will prob do a beachy-type relaxing vacation in the spring. Can’t wait!

4) Football season. I’m tentatively adding this as something I’m looking forward to, but let’s face it. It’s going to be difficult for Auburn to show absolutely no improvement over last year. And even if they crash and burn again, I still have tailgating activities to enjoy for FSU and Florida.

5) Visits with friends and family throughout the year. I'm pretty sure the rest of my crazy college pals that aren't making the Vegas trip will plan a get-together at some point this year, and we will make trips to visit family on weekends, as we always do.

I’m sure there are many more things that will happen in 2009 to make the year a great one. I am going to start thinking about resolutions to make the year even better. I will post them when I come up with a healthy list.

Back!

2008-12-28T16:08:00.000-08:00

Wow - sorry I was away for so long... the holidays hit me like a blitzing linebacker, along with all the parties and social engagements, then things at work turned to pandemonium at an inconvenient juncture, and then we had to hurry and pack it up and head down to central FL for Christmas, so I haven't had time to blog, but I am back in business.

Ok, first of all, we had a great Christmas in Deland with the rest of the Burgi. Here are some highlights:

1) Going to Universal Studios Islands of Adventure. Folks, I love roller coasters. Love them love them, and the more extreme the better. So while we were in the neighborhood, I convinced Gavin, my cousin-in-law Giffin, and Giffin's wife Mari to take me to this awesome theme park. We purchased express passes (worth every penny) that enabled us to skip all the super long lines and I rode all the big rides twice. Here are some pics!

Here's me with Giffin and Mari in front of the Hulk ride. I rode it thrice.

Here's me in Cartoon-land. I often use the fist-in-air move to convey frustration when my own plots are foiled, so this text bubble seemed to be designed just for me.

Here's some pics of me and my Chinchilla; both of us were drenched from the Jurassic Park ride.

2) Playing the Wii with the fam. One of my other cousins-in-law, Erin, was awesome enough to bring over her Wii to share with the rest of us. I love this thing! I got so into the tennis and bowling. It is just a matter of time before I own one. Just a matter of time.

3) The Chia pet. A few weeks ago, Gavin's brother Garrick had a Christmas party complete with Dirty Santa. Everyone had to bring a $20 gift, so I purchased a Chia Pet as our gift (hilarious!) and Gavin's dad ended up with it. My father-in-law joked about how he was going to re-gift it, which prompted me to present him with a challenge: I want to see some serious chia fur by the time I get there for Christmas. Well, this is what awaited me when I arrived. Glorious! I want one now... one of my very own.

4) Hanging with friends and family. Friday night we got to hang out with our old friends Gareth and Vanessa, along with their families, and a bunch of Gavin's other old friends from high school. We also got to visit with family and just relax and have fun. It was such a great week.

So tomorrow it's back to the old grind, but at least we have the new year to look forward to. I am thinking about New Years Resolutions, so check back!

Completely random thoughts

2008-12-15T18:09:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be all over the place with this post.

1) First things first: my third round of rabies shots is Wednesday, thanks everyone for your support. Still no symptoms, so I daresay I did not CATch rabies, at least not this this go-round. My dogs have been clingier lately, like they sense we have more in common these days. I can also confirm that I have no supercatpowers. That dream is officially over. Probably for the best, as it would be annoying to be allergic to myself.

2) Auburn made a head-scratching decision for coach, but he's cute and fiery and I'm getting behind him. Nothing else to do. I've agonized over the firesignation of Tommy Tuberville enough and it's time to move on. Go get 'em Mean Gene!

3) With all the cat murder and rabies scare drama going on, I failed to blog about my one-year bloggiversary. It was last Wednesday! Shout-out to all my muses, including but not limited to: Taco, Stinky, Maddie and Sugs, my crazy college friends, my family members, and of course, my sweet chinchilla Gavin.

I've blogged 128 times over a year, so that's about one post every 2.8 days. I'm proud of myself for staying with it. A lot of bloggers bail by now. I look at it as a nice little hobby. Looking back over the past year, so much has happened on this blog: Maddie's snout tumor, agility class pupdates, brilliant political analysis, my obsession with Taco, trips, weddings, catricide... I've compiled a list of some highlights.

Young, eager med student, at your cervix.
Springsteen and Streisand
Posts about Taco and my obsession with him
I could bearly believe it
Team Vegas
Chicago Review
Posts about Stinky
Posts about Maddie's agility classes

Anyway, lots going on this week: book club meeting, Gavin's office Christmas party, and hopefully some weekend relaxation is just around the corner. Ta for now, be seeing you.

Third day post-bite, and I'm feline pretty good.

2008-12-12T16:22:00.000-08:00

Total number of rabies shots endured so far: 4 (3 Wednesday, 1 today)

Total number of rabies shots to go: 3

Superpower cat characteristics exhibited: 0 (I woke up Thursday morning desiring milk which made me hopeful, but that took me nowhere except cerealtown.)

Regular cat characteristics exhibited: 1. Irritation with humans (particularly those running Auburn) check.

I'm not kitten around.

2008-12-10T14:51:00.000-08:00

So listen to what happened to me today. I moseyed on out to my car at lunch to go run some errands. I got in, cranked her up, pulled forward, and... bump. I turned around. There was DEFINITELY a little tiny furry kitten writhing around on the ground where my tire was just an instant before. I was horrified.

So I pulled into a nearby space and ran over to the scene of the accident. Kitten breathing. Kitten moving around. Kitten in distress. What do I do??!! The kitten wasn't bleeding, so I picked it up, cradled it, and ran inside the building to ask someone else what to do and of course make my problem all of a sudden everyone else’s too. Do I take it to the vet? Does someone know cat CPR? Is it too late?

I was lucky to encounter the downstairs receptionist, Lisa, who grew up on a farm. She took the cat from me, took a look, and let me down easy that the kitten was definitely dying and there was probably nothing the vet could do. A few seconds later the kitten stopped moving. No pulse. Lisa wrapped it up and gave it to a runner to put in the dumpster.

At this point, tears were flowing, but I went to the bathroom to wash up and got back in my car. I was feeling terrible at this point, thinking, not only am I a cat murderer, but I also had to involve practically the whole law firm and disrupt commerce.

So as I’m driving away, I remember that the kitten bit me on the arm as I was taking him inside. I barely noticed at the time, because, you know, tiny teeth, adrenaline. But I started thinking about it and decided to call the doctor because, you never know. Fast forward 10 minutes and I’m in the special vaccination clinic waiting for a rabies vaccine, thinking, wow... things sure got out of control fast. Three shots and a prescription for stiff antibiotics later, (and four more periodically administered shots to go) here I sit, recounting my tale of catricide.

It’s pretty funny when you think about it, provided I’m not rabid and minus the dead kitten part. But there’s a bright side no matter what. Maybe rabies will make me cooler and more popular, kind of like Michael J. Fox in TeenWolf. Maybe I’ll take on cat qualities. You know.... sleep under cars, become cold and aloof, appear on Broadway for nine years straight. Perhaps some good will come of all this.

In the meantime, I’ll keep you all posted on my condition.

"I've got this thing and it's [expletive] golden, and ...... I'm just not giving it up for [expletive] nothing"

2008-12-09T17:19:00.000-08:00

No, it's not Britney Spears talking about her virginity circa 1998. I thought that at first, too. No no, it's an actual quote (alleged I should say, from an FBI wiretap) from the governor of Illinois, talking about how best to go about profiting financially from his responsibility to appoint Obama's successor in the U.S. Senate.

This is really staggering news, folks. WOW. There's so much to say about this. How about I offer my commentary and a little Monday-morning quarterbacking advice for the gov.

Dear Bad News Blagojevich:

1. What is up with the hair? I can't tell if you live at the governor's mansion or down at the Pike house. How about a biyearly trim? You could learn a thing or two from another wayward politician in your party, John Edwards. He always looks fizzzine.

No.

Hey there.... what's your name...

2. What's with the language? I mean, it's one thing to flagrantly pimp out a U.S. Senate seat for your own personal financial and political gain, but all the bleepity bleeping.... that's just poor form.

3. How did you think you could plot and scheme like this so openly with people and not get busted? I mean, reading these quotes makes it clear to me that you are a total a-hole, and guess what, people aren't always rarin' to go down with the a-hole ship. No one likes you. You have a 13% approval rating in a completely blue state! This was out-and-out, full-blown, unmitigated narcissism. Fascinating!

4. Let me take another look at you. Yes. You look a little like Rudy to me. That's weird. Well, you will be riding the bench for awhile.....

Anyway, if you haven't read up on this character, please check out the articles. It's astounding to me that someone could be so arrogant as to think he has ownership of a United States Senate seat, rather than the people of Illinois, and can sell it to the highest bidder! Make fun of him on your blogs - consider it your civic duty.

Team Vegas Recruitment Update

2008-12-07T10:19:00.000-08:00

Friends, I am happy to report that our recruitment efforts have yielded an exciting addition to Team Vegas. Meet the new recruit!

Holly:
Age: 27
Occupation: Executive Assistant
Interests: Auburn football, Atlanta, reality television, dogs, reading, office supplies shaped like animals, pumpkin spice lattes
Activities: Wine consumption, boot camp, physical altercations with strangers who pick on her friends, blogging, being a Republican, mooning (sure to be lots of fun in Vegas - we are excited about this recruit - quite the coup.)

We also want to give a shout out to the husbands who gave us the green light to head to Vegas to have fun with the girls and spend the hard-earned family money while they each stay home with two dogs apiece. Thanks guys!!

Gavin!
Brett!
Matt!

Thanks guys! There is definitely a t-shirt in it for each of you.

Team Vegas

2008-12-04T10:39:00.000-08:00

Well, since I don’t have enough going on, and I really don't feel like I do enough traveling, a few of my peeps and I have decided to cast caution to the wind and go to Las Vegas!

We are heading out there in February and I am pumped. We are going to see Elton John at Caesar’s Palace and otherwise just engage in various forms of tomfoolery, diablerie, high jinx, roguery, balderdash, nonsense, piffle… whatever comes our way.

Meet the team!

Me
Age: 29
Occupation: Attorney
Interests: Auburn football, books, internet, husband, beer, NY, dogs.
Activities: Schadenfreude, being sarcastic, whatever, you people know this.

Meg:
Age: 29
Occupation: Regional property manager
Interests: Auburn football, the proper care, feeding, and fashion trends of Dachshunds, pop culture literature, Netflix, Showtime programming, margaritas, decks and/or porches.
Activities: Blogging, reading, movie viewing, margarita consumption, avoiding pickles, cantaloupe, and grapefruit.

April:
Age: 27
Occupation: Psychologist
Interests: Auburn football, psychology, the art of sleeping comfortably, cable, beer, wine, communism.
Activities: Shopping, avoiding other people’s pets, acrimonious political debate, tripping over things, being hilarious.

Leah:
Age: 28 (but soooo close to being 29)
Occupation: Attorney
Interests: Auburn football, German engineering, beer, red wine, stuffed horses, Europe stuff.
Activities: People watching, beer/wine consumption, gardening, blog stalking, general smart-person stuff, being sophisticated and cultural.

You might note some glaring holes in the roster (Kristin, Lindsey, Holly, Sudan, Katherine, Katie). Indeed, we are in the process of recruiting more team members. However, in the meantime, I leave you with the words of Gene Hackman from one of my all time favorite movies, Hoosiers (with some adjustments as appropriate):

“I would hope you’d support who we are, not who we are not. These six (four) individuals have made the choice to work (party), the choice to sacrifice (buy plane tickets), to put themselves on the line twenty three nights (three nights) for the next four months (in the next two months) to represent you, this high school (themselves, for fun). This is your team.”

Amen.

Stinky strikes again.

2008-12-03T11:49:00.000-08:00

I mean really. Yet another nemesis I cannot defeat.

Friends, just the other night, I once again found myself fighting the olfactory battle I thought I had lost for the last time, with Stinky, pouncing on the machine right next to mine in gym Siberia. Like a rat on a cheeto.

Stinks, I know not your reasons for eschewing artificial (and/or natural) body odor control altogether. The truth is, I respect that life decision, and I try to live with it. I try to locate you upon entering the gym so I can isolate you, but sometimes you get to the gym after me. I feel like maybe in another, more fragrant life we could be friends. As it stands, we need time apart. Far apart.

There is no solution. I take that back. Deodorant is the solution. Oh well.

Later.

Thanksgiving... check.

2008-11-30T18:05:00.000-08:00

Aaaaaand we're back. I'm sitting in front of the TV, surfing the net, bloggin'. I had a great long weekend at the parents' place in Pensacola, so fun, so relaxing, so eaty. Yes, I stuffed my pie hole, thanks for asking. I got to see most of the siblings, and Mom put on a great party, as usual. Thanks for the hospitality, Mom! Here's some pics.

Dad.....

Deda.....

Nikki and Maria....

Regarding the football issue.. the elephant in the room, so to speak: I congratulate those teams that won, and I'll be a good sport. After all, it is just a game. But come on. I mean, let's not beat around the bush. All my nemeses are emerging victorious this year and I needs a hug.

Honestly, I can handle losing but I just wish we weren't so disastrously, off-the-rails bad this year. I'm going to pretend it didn't happen. (Also, please be advised that masturbatory comments by Bama fans are subject to instant deletion if I can't think of a snappy comeback fast enough... which, lets face it, means they are subject to instant deletion. Resist the urge anyway; it's bad football karma. You know who you are.)

I'm taking it better than Maddie. Maddie's a big Auburn fan. She's been to Auburn twice actually, and in her lifetime she has never seen an Iron Bowl that Auburn didn't win. I snapped a pic of her watching the game. This says it all.

Aww, Maddie. There's always next year.

But you know what. It's still great to be an Auburn Tiger. Just the other day, a lawyer friend and I were discussing colleges. This friend attended a smaller private college and she remarked that if she could do it all over again it might have been fun to go somewhere bigger, in a bigger city, with more people, maybe New York, Boston, etc. I replied that if I could do it over a million times I would go to Auburn every single time, and I totally meant it. War Eagle! We'll be back!

What else, what else..... looking ahead, moving on. December is a fun month. Gav and I are going to get our Christmas tree this week! That's always a fun outing, getting our Christmas on. I'll keep you advised. Have a great week everyone!

More fun stuff.

2008-11-24T19:13:00.000-08:00

So back to the wedding reception. This fun thing happened while I was there. See if you can picture it, ok? So I'm rustling over to the bathroom and I run into my friends Leah, Katie, and Katherine. Here's how that conversation went:

Me: Hey girls!
L, K, and K: Hey! What up!
Me: Just making a pit stop. Oh, by the way, I'm smacking asses and high fiving tonight, just thought I'd let you know. I just victimized Holly's mom so apparently no one is safe. Heads up.
Leah: Thanks.
Katherine: Ask Bets!
Me: Talk to me.
Leah: There's a big stuffed horse here and I want a picture with it and the museum guy won't let us back there. We thought maybe you could talk him into it.
Me: (not finding this odd in the least) Ladies, I will give it a shot. Where is he?!

(So I rustle on over to the guy behind the desk...rustle rustle).

Me: (flashing smile). Hey there.... Betsy Burgess, nice to see ya. Listen, it has come to my attention that there is a stunning stuffed horse on the premises. We would really love to take a super duper quick picture with said horse. Are you sure there isn't a way we could sneak back there?

30 seconds later...... And then this.

Woo hoo! Fun times. What? We were just horsin' around.

More random thoughts: So there's this thing about me that I don't get. I don't discover fun music until months or even years after everyone else has been enjoying it. This happened with Yeah, In Da Club, anything else by 50 Cent, those Kanye West songs, Ignition, and a bunch of other songs over the years that I don't hear until I get a cd from a friend or I find myself on a dance floor somewhere. This could be because I only listen to soft rock, broadway, or talk radio. Hmmm... I may have solved my own mystery.

Anyway, I am currently obsessed with the song "Low" by Flo Rida, that I heard for the first time ever at K's wedding reception. WTF? You should have seen me. I was like, what...... what is this awesome song? I mean, listen to these lyrics! Ahem:

Shorty had apple bottom jeans (jeans!)
Boots with the fur (with the fur!)
The whole club was looking at her
She hit the floor (she hit the floor!)
Next thing you know
Shorty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low
The baggy sweat pants
And the Reeboks with the straps (with the straps!)
She turned around and gave that big booty a smack (hey! )
She hit the floor (she hit the floor!)
Next thing you know
Shorty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low

GENIUS. And I love the word Shorty. Seriously, I try to use it all the time. So, if you aren't part of the 90% of the population that has been jamming to this song for a while now, check it out!

Wild Weekend in Mobile!

2008-11-23T18:45:00.000-08:00

Friends, it was another weekend of world record breaking fun, brought to me in Mobile, AL by my besty from the old days at AU, KRice.

Kristin got married this weekend and well folks, we threw it down. Now, I want you all to know that I personally did not hold back. You should be really proud. It was like I was riding a glorious adrenaline wave of collegiate stamina the whole weekend that violently crashed into the cold wet shore of 29 year-old-ness in the Vibe on the way back east on I-10. I am exhausted. I mean, where do I get off engaging in such tomfoolery at 29 years of age? Cheese and crackers.

Here's me, Sher-bear, Nancy, and Mary at the Rehearsal Dinner, about two hours before things got completely out of control that night. Oww! Hmm... anyhoo....

The following day we spent the whole day getting ready in K's suite. One of my favorite parts of the weekend was getting my hair and makeup done professionally. Holy shat, I love getting pampered like that. My hair actually stayed curly all night long. I’m telling you, people were amazed by the staying power of my curly bouncy hair.

I also enjoyed learning about all the new innovations in the field of hair and makeup artistry. For example, they used this spray-on foundation stuff, and lip gloss and blush that goes on clear and then adjusts to the appropriate color for your face. It’s amazing and a little scary, like it’s artificially intelligent makeup. They also have special new shears that they use to produce layers. Now that’s cutting edge.

Our bridesmaid’s dresses were beautiful and shiny. We are all so shiny in these pics. Also, the fabric of our dresses was kind of noisy when we walked, like that Seinfeld episode where George buys the "loud suit." You could also hear us coming from about 50 yards away, like a herd of beautiful brown shiny cattle. Rustle rustle rustle. (Russell! Shout out, Meg).

At the reception, me, Linds, Holls, and KT:

Holly: WTF Bets, I'm trying to eat. Lindsey: Yeah, really, Bets, she's trying to eat. April: Something's fun over here to my right.

I saw my pal Jeremy; he loves me! This was taken when we were out at our last stop of the evening before passing out. You can't tell, right?

Great weekend! I’m a little distraught that there’s not a planned event in the works for us all to get together again soon, so we’ll have to work on that. I'm feeling the Vegas suggestion, ladies. Let's keep that dialogue going. Miss you, girls!!

In other news, I am loving the "Messin with Sasquatch" commercials. Oh, and I love food and probably should get control of that before Thanksgiving rolls around. Ok, I'm done.

Football and Fair

2008-11-17T16:01:00.000-08:00

It was another great weekend for the Burgii! On Saturday, my sis Maria brought her fam over to attend the FSU football game! We had such a great time! Here are some pics:

Me and Maria with the kiddies.......

Anna Grace and Sugarbear.... they have a special blond. Alan and Lori came to the game with us too. Look, I'm Benazhir Bhutto!

ALSO: Gavin and I FINALLY made it to the North Florida Fair after several years of trying to go but always being foiled by previous engagements. This year we went on the very last day. It was fun! We saw real live carnies (small hands, smell like cabbage), ate some fried dough (remind me to author a separate post about obesity in America), and rode some rides. The BEST part, though, was the animals. Pretty much everyone knows I love farm animals. So when Gavin saw the sign that said Petting Zoo, he said, "This can't miss." Right on, baby.

An Alpaca! Goats!
The swings! That's me in the middle, red mittens. Note that I'm clearly the oldest person on the ride.
The whole time I had the song "Have I stayed too long at the fair" stuck in my head. See if you can guess who sings it..... that's right! Barbra. We know me so well.

So this weekend we're headed to Mobile to get KRice married off.... wild times ahead, folks. Stay tuned....

Back from NY!

2008-11-11T13:27:00.000-08:00

I'm back from NY! I heart that place. So fun! So many adventures. And of course, one can't go to a big city without encountering a colorful cast of characters. This trip was no exception.

1) New York Nick. Mom struck up a conversation with this character on the plane. He was meeting his girlfriend in NY for the weekend, but was quick to inform us that he had no plans to propose, and in fact, never intended to propose to this woman or any other woman unless she has a good enough job to support him so he can stay home all day instead of working. Charming. And too much information. He talked to my mom the entire flight while she was clearly trying to read her historical romance novel.

I mean really. How is she supposed to concentrate on complex plots involving ripped bodices and dashing men in waistcoats with that inane chatter going on? He also used lots of interesting and unusual hand gestures. Wow. To the Never-to-be-Mrs. New York Nick: this Bud’s for you.

2) Edward the Blue Shuttlebus Driver. Edward drove us to the hotel from the airport. Throughout the whole ride he had this calypso/jazz/love music going really loud, and sang along for everyone in the cab. I still have the song "Rendezvous in Rio" stuck in my head. The music was so ridiculous that I had to google it to see if it wasn't just Edward's weekend band getting free publicity. I discovered that it is real music by a real person. Wow. People will listen to some crap.

3) Emily. One of my roomies from college! She is a real live New Yorker now, and she took Nikki and me OUT on the town while mom dug into her hotel room bed with a pot of tea and candy and called it a night. We had dinner in Times Square and then found ourselves at Vlada's, a trendy “Russian vodka bar” that is home to the hottest gay men in Manhattan. If you know me, you know that a visit to a big city male gay bar is a rare and exotic treat. Guilt-free attention from fun, good-looking guys! This venue is where I made most of my friends on this trip. We were out past two!

Me with Josh. This "one arm straight up" move is quickly becoming my signature. When did that happen?

4) The aforementioned hottest gay men in Manhattan. Shout out!

We also did a lot of fun, touristy stuff. We went to FAO Schwarz to get some toys for Nikki's kids (and saw Bernadette Peters there, singing a capella to the kiddies), we shopped at street vendors and at Tiffany's, we hit Central Park and the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and we saw Wicked. I am now officially re-obsessed with showtunes.

Here is Nikki and I with a NYPD horse in Times Square.

Here we are growling like Kung Fu Tigers.

This is mom in Central Park.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the trip:

Nikki: They don't have the Ben-10 toys at FAO Schwarz so we have to go to the Toys R'Us in Times Square.

Mom: They have a Toys R'Us in Times Square?
Nikki: Yes; it's a big deal. It's like the "Home of Geoffrey the Giraffe" or something.
Mom: Really? Is he walking around in there?
Nikki: Well, he's not a real giraffe.

Mom: I am SO drunk.

Mom: A $69 minibar charge? I only took a candy bar and a pack of cookies.

Mom: No one is allowed to drop the F-bomb on this trip.

Nikki: You have violated your own rule at least twice.

Mom: Only for clarification purposes.

Nikki: Flipping the bird counts as the F-bomb.

Mom: I brought them because I thought they looked New Yorky. (referring to calf-length leopard-skin boots)

And the best:

Mom: How did you know it was a gay bar?

HA!

Love these girls. So..... who wants to help me plot my return?

Twenty-fine.

2008-11-06T11:28:00.000-08:00

That is correct. Today represents the 29th anniversary of my reverse luge into this world, and since this is my first birthday with a blog, I thought I might do a little commemorative post with some fun facts.

1) Lots of things are younger than me that really seem old.

For example, this little number. An Atari, circa 1980. Ancient, just like me.

Or IBM Computers like this one, built in 1979, just like me.

2) 1979 produced lots of pop hits that are now clearly "oldies." For example:

Da Ya Think I'm Sexy, Rod Stewart; Reunited (and it feels so good), Peaches and Herb; I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor; Y.M.C.A., Village People; Ring My Bell, Anita Ward; The Gambler, Kenny Rogers.

And my personal timeless favorite: You Don't Bring Me Flowers, Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond.

3) Yay for 1979. It was a great and interesting year for global affairs. The Islamic Revolution in Iran, the implementation of the One Child Policy in China, vicious IRA attacks in Great Britain, and right here at home, President Carter was attacked by a swamp bunny.

Per Wikipedia, Carter had gone fishing in Georgia when the rabbit approached his boat "hissing menacingly, its teeth flashing and nostrils flared and making straight for the president," trying desperately to enter the boat, causing Carter to defend himself with oars.

How hilarious. If anyone was wondering what species I might have been in a former life, I think I have an idea. I did not even know swimming swamp bunnies existed. This one seemed ferocious, with the "nostrils flared" and everything... I wonder if it was rabit.

4) When I popped out, people were walking around in smashing outfits like this. I appreciate that the both the jumpsuit and the leisure suit were available in lime green, mustard, and sky blue.

Wow. We've come a loooong way, folks. Thanks for all the happy birthday wishes!

I could bearly believe it.

2008-11-02T09:06:00.000-08:00

So yesterday afternoon, Gavin and I were on our way to a wedding on St. George Island, which is about a two-hour trek from Tallahassee, when we saw a real life BLACK BEAR on the side of the road!

We were on US 98/319, bearing south, when we came upon the bear on the left. We saw him from a good distance back, so we were able to slow down and get a really good look. He did not appear to be full grown, but he wasn't a baby either. He was actually kind of cute, with his shiny black fur and his ears and snout and everything. As we slowed down, he saw us looking at him, which caused him to become shy all of a sudden, and he scampered away. It was really cool.

After this bearxperience, I decided to do a little internet bearsearch, and I discovered some fun facts. Bearhold:

1) Male and female black bears cannot tolerate each other's company except to breed. Interesting. These two must just be friends.

2) Cubs are raised in single-bearent families; father bears do not help with everyday bearcare. This makes sense, because as we have learned, the moms and dads cannot bear to be around each other.

3) Mother black bears are notoriously protective of their cubs, who stay with their mothers for about two years. Awww.

4) Despite their name, black bears can be blue-gray or blue-black, brown, cinnamon, or even (very rarely) white.

5) Black bears are not true hibernators. During their winter dormant period, though, they do not eat, drink, or go to the bearthroom.

6) Black bears are generally shy and secretive and usually fearful of humans. However, if they regularly find food near houses and areas of human activity, they can lose their fear of humans. Unlike grizzly bears, black bears are seldom aggressive toward humans.

I hope you all have found this beary interesting.

Romantic Weekend Getaway

2008-10-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

Gavin and I had the greatest weekend getaway! A dear friend of ours was nice enough to lend us his family beach house at Alligator Point, so we spent the weekend relaxing and romping in the surf. The weather was perfect and the setting was secluded and private.

We had no internet and very limited tv channels (but we were able to watch the UF-Kentucky beatdown, which put my man in an excellent mood) so we really got to spend some quality time with each other.

The best part was that we were allowed to bring the dogs! I have always wanted to get my dogs around the ocean to see how they like water, and I just have never had the opportunity to do it.

Here is the verdict: Sugarbear likes it ok, but won't venture in above her shoulders. Maddie LOVES the water and will swim around like a duck for extended periods of time. She also LOVES to fetch the tennis ball out of the water and prefers that you throw it far enough that it requires her to actually swim out past the waves, pounce on it, and bring it back in! Gavin and I had the greatest time watching her swim around and bust up against the waves like a Baywatch lifeguard. Hilarious!

Our camera battery died, but we were able to take some pics with Gavin's cell phone:

After all of that swimming and frolicking, the babies were exhaaaauuuusted. They are all cuddled up together, teeping. Awwww.

So it was a great weekend. I am actually relaxed and ready to get back to work! Thanks for a wonderful weekend, G! Love you!

Thin Taco, Fat Taco

2008-10-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

So you all know by now about my obsession with my friend Mary’s chihuahua Taco. If you desire more information about Taco, please click here, here, here, and here.

Well, Mary is in tax-lawyer school right now, which requires her to study the tax code and crunch numbers while curled up in the fetal position 24 hours a day. That is no life for a young strapping male chihuahua. Such a glorious creature needs attention, freedom, and companionship. So, Mary’s mom is keeping Taco at her house right now so he can scamper and cavort with her Boston Terrier, Daisy.

Well, when Taco was with Mary, he was fit and trim. See below.

Now, since he’s been living like a king at Grandmother’s, he’s a little sausage. See below.

I have always always said that the only thing better than a cute little chihuahua is a cute little fat chihuahua. Let the record show that I love him now more than ever and I am kicking my chihuahua heist plotting and scheming into high gear.

PICS

2008-10-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

Here are some pics from the Halloween Party!

Jeremy, Mari, Cara, Auntie, and me in the purple pimp hat. I definitely took that thing home with me, telling everyone it was "mine" because "Uncle Joe gave it to me." Riiiiight.

Tammy, Erin, me, and Cara. It got to the point where we were all just trading wigs. This looks like "Don't Stop Believin'..."

Giffin (as Magnum P.I.), Tammy, me, Cara, and Erin up front.

Garrick and Gavin!

Wow - great party!! Let's do it again soon, team!

Weekend in Deland

2008-10-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was great! Gavin and I loaded up the fur and headed down to Deland for a weekend with Gavin's family.

On the way down Friday night, we decided to use the GPS, even though we know the way, just for funsies, to see how it would take us. Sure enough, it directed us to go a different route than we usually go. In such situations, one has a simple choice to make: 1) Ignore the GPS and go the way you know; or 2) Trust the GPS and go that route, to see if it saves you time.

In our case there was a third option: 3) Trust the GPS until it takes you somewhere you don't recognize, then panic and strike out on your own.

Over my well-reasoned objections, Gavin chose #3.

So, after a nice late-night tour of some remote area of Ocala, which included feverishly pulling out the map o' Florida and hanging on during a few whiplashy "frustrated" u-turns, we got back on a road Gavin had heard of and back on schedule. It turns out the GPS was taking us to that road all along, just via a different (and probably faster) route. Of course. Rest assured we won't learn from this.

Anyway, once we finally got there, we had a great time! The City of Deland has a huge, awesome dog park where we took the dogs to play on Saturday. Here is a pic:

As you can see, on the left they have a little pond for the dogs to get in if they want to, and Sugarbear went in up to her shoulders. Maddie went in about up to her knees. I tossed Maddie in further just to see if she would like the water. (I was prepared to jump in and save her if necessary.) I know she can swim because sometimes when I'm holding her under the faucet while I give her a bath, and she gets water on her face, she'll start instinctively doing the dog paddle, right there in the air.

Well, once in the actual water she dog-swam like Michael Phelps right to the shore. I was so proud! Then she rolled around in the dirt. Nice. It was just neat to see her swim for the first time ever. I took some pics, but they are on Gavin's dad's camera and so I'll have to post them later.

Saturday night we went to a Halloween/Happy Retirement party for Uncle Joe at Gavin's cousin's Giffin's house. Dance party USA. Great times were had by all! No, I didn't wear a costume, although I wish I had. I just didn't have time last week to throw something together. Giffin dressed as Magnum P.I. and it was hysterical. Our camera battery died, but other folks took pictures, so once I get that magical email with all the pictures attached I will post the most hilarious ones.

Other than that, it's Monday. Yay. Counting down to the weekend already.....

Top 5 Tuesday

2008-10-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

Today I want to identify and talk a little bit about the top 5 things I am looking forward to right now. In trying times like these, when Auburn football sucks and the country is about to elect a socialist, we always focus on the positive, right? Right. Ok, here we go.

By the way, these aren’t in any kind of order (such as chronological, or according to my levels of excitement) because sorting that out will take more energy than I care to put forth at this particular moment.

1) Going to the gym and getting some exercise.

Since I’ve been out of town so much lately, I haven’t been able to get to the gym and do my regular thing there for the past several days. Vacation’s over! In my defense, I tried to go after work yesterday. I even got as far as the locker room until I realized I left my pants at home. I can do a lot of things pants-less, but working out in public ain’t one of them. So I went home. Today I have all articles of clothing, and I am rarin’ to go.

Here’s a quick rundown of my gym routine. I do this four times a week, either in the morning or after work. I get to the gym, and immediately proceed upstairs to the magical garden of elliptical machines. I quickly scan the room for Stinky, so I can isolate her. This is very important.

I then hop on one of the ellipticals and giddy up for at least 50 minutes while listening to a smattering of soft rock and hip hop classics. Then, I do abs, lift weights, and I’m out. As the weather starts to get cooler I will work walking trips at the greenway into my cardio routine. I’m really looking forward to that change of scenery.

2) New York City trip with my mom and sister!!!

We leave the day after my 29th (gag) birthday and will be there for three days!!! I am so excited. We have tickets to Wicked, we are staying at the Waldorf Astoria (thanks Mom!), and we are going to have such a kickass time. I will take lots of pics. I heart heart heart NY and I love it even more in November and December. I’m also going to hook up with my college pals Britney and Emily while I’m there, so I’m excited about that too…. Can’t wait!

3) Kristin’s Wedding

If the bachelorette party was any indication of how much fun this event will be, Gavin and I are in for a huge party. Also, I can’t wait to see all my pals again… it’s going to be out of control.

4) Halloween

Every Halloween I look forward to putting Maddie in her Lil’ Bandito costume that she’s had for about 5 years now. It was a surprise gift from Gavin when we were dating. It still fits her, and I honestly haven’t found anything more hilarious for her to wear, so I haven’t replaced it. I love that dog. Here’s a pic. Obviously this dog isn't Maddie, but I'll try to post a pic of the real thing later as Halloween draws closer. One more reason to continue tuning in.

I also love how there’s usually lots of extra chocolatey deliciousness floating around the office after Halloween. Hot diggity.

5) Thanksgiving and Christmas

Every year Gavin and I rotate which of our families to spend Thanksgiving with, and we do the same thing with Christmas, so that each year we see both families for a big holiday. This year, the Pensacola folks get us for Thanksgiving, and Gavin’s fam in Deland gets us for Christmas.

Christmas is usually the extended visit: almost a whole week with the dogs and everything. Obviously the families jockey for Thanksgiving.

Oh, and how can I forget our annual Christmas card?!! Get excited, recipients!

I feel so much better already. See you all later!

Party in the Ham!

2008-10-12T17:32:00.000-07:00

So this weekend, after my super fun business trip to Marco Island, I took this awesomeness up to the Ham for a big time. This was the weekend of my friend Kristin's BACHELORETTE party. OWWWWWW!

Friday was busy: I flew into Hotlanta, where my pal Holly picked me up at the airport, and then whisked me away to the Ham. We got there, met up with Leah, and had a few frosty beers at the hotel while waiting for the rest of the crew. Cheers girls!

THEN, I met up with my long lost best pal Jennifer! She picked me up and we went out for some tacos, cervezas, and hours of conversation about the things we love most in life, including but not limited to the following: Auburn, our favorite soft rock hits from the 70s and 80s, how awesomely talented Barbra and Lionel Richie (Jennifer's Barbra) are, and how we are always right about stuff and why everyone should agree with our opinions about everything.

I love Jennifer for so many reasons. She was one of my best pals in college and knows me soooo well. I am so pissed that I forgot my camera or I would post a picture right here. I have lots of pictures of us, of course, but they are prints and dammit, wouldn't you know it, I put the scanner in storage because I was "never using it." Blast! (fist in air!) This shall be remedied.

Anyway, J and I pick up right where we leave off, no matter how long it's been. Shout out, J! Miss you already!

After hanging with J, I met my pals out on the town and yada yada yada, we were out till 4 a.m. We almost got kicked out of our hotel that night for being "loud." Whatever! The volume of our conversation was so normal. We just had crabby-appletons for neighbors.

I woke up several hours later (sleeping three to a bed of course) with a splitting headache. I rallied after lying in the bed and recapping the night before for several hours, taking a showie, and stuffing my face with Chappy's greasy delightfulness. I was rarin' to go by the time we headed out to dinner that night.

My old roomie Suuuudan and me before dinner.

Susan, Holly, and Leah at dinner.

Me with Sherry and Mary at dinner - they are hilarious and I love them!!

After dinner, we came back to the hotel and had K's lingerie shower! It was hilarious and fun. Outrageously bacheloretty. BEST EVER!

Kristin in all her gear, about to open her presents...

Holly, Lindsey, me, and Leah! Yes, those are naked-man nametags. (I hope you people don't let your children read this blog...)

Then, we hit the town and yes, once again danced until 4 a.m. It was not fun driving home today, but honestly, it was worth every second of feeling like ass. I saw so many people that I love so dearly and don't get to see often enough. I had such a fun time! Thanks for everything girls! See you at the wedding!

Marco Island - Best Business Trip EVER!

2008-10-09T19:38:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been a while folks. I've been feeling really uninspired lately, but I'm snapping out of it.

Tonight I'm in Marco Island, FL! Marco Island is an island off the southwest coast of Florida, about 2 hours west of Miami. I came down here on business and so far it's my fave work trip yet! I spent the day getting here and then attending an accident site investigation. We were done by 4:00, so I be-bopped on back to the hotel, checked in, and went for a walk on the beach! It was beautiful!

As a person from Pensacola, where the beaches are filled with soft, velvety, bright white sand, I was very impressed by the whiteness of the sand on these beaches. The difference, however, was all the shells. It was hard to walk without flip flops. Still beautiful though.

I went for a dip in the ocean! I haven't gone ocean swimming in a looooong time, and the temperature was really perfect. It was great. There is something about the beach and the ocean that always reminds me of home and my family, and makes me feel closer to them, especially my grandfather, who died a couple years ago, so that was special.

After romping in the surf for a while, I came back to the hotel, procured a delicious strawberry daquiri, and relaxed by the pool. The pool and tiki bar were great, and fun beachy tunes were playing softly in the background.

I went to a fun seafood restaurant for dinner. I sat at the bar of course, because I hate to hog an entire table when it's just me. Also, at the bar, you meet more people, and make some friends.

All in all, great trip so far! My flight leaves a little later tomorrow, so I'm going to take another walk on the beach before heading out. I'm attending a bachelorette party in B'ham this weekend, too, so get ready for some awesome pics next week!

Family Beach Weekend, 2008

2008-09-21T17:38:00.001-07:00

This was the best weekend ever!

My brother John and his wife Hue brought their two kids, Emma and Sara, to Pensacola for the week. They live in San Diego, CA, so this was a big deal! They come over about once a year and stay at a condo on the beach, so this past weekend we went over to visit with the whole family. It was so great to see everyone at the same time in the same place. It was like Christmas in September. Oh, and no one threw a temper tantrum - a true Christmas miracle. Here are some pics

My snookie and me on the beach!

All the girls: Mom, Liz, me, Hue, Nikki, Valicia, and Maria

All the guys! Bill, Jodie, Andy, Dad, Hill, John, and Gavin.

The kiddies! Joseph, Katie, Emma, Sara, Rebecca, Connor, Anna, Ella, Chloe, Alex, Andrew, and Jackson.
Mom and Dad! Dad is a sandals man. Always has been.

This is Gavin with the twins, John (left) and Bill. We like to joke that Gavin is the missing third twin. Awww.

Also, Gavin and I finally got a chance to fly our kite! We took the kids out on the beach Saturday morning and had lots of fun with it. Here are some pics of that.

Gavin and Katie getting the kite airborne. Me helping Sara fly the kite - the wind was strong so she needed a little help holding the controls.
Me with my nieces Katie, Sara, Emma, and Chloe. Love those girls!

Anyway, it was such a great weekend. I even caught a fish! I was elated for about five seconds until I reeled it in and saw it flailing helplessly and realized what I had done. Committed murder. I immediately started begging my bro-in-law Jodie to save it. He tried, God love him. I really struggled with that. And yet I have no problem eating fish caught by others. A conundrum.

So I want to thank John and Hue for making the trip and my mom for putting it all together. I love you guys!!!

One more thing!

2008-09-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

In other news, Stinky Lady from the gym is engaged!

One day recently, when she hopped onto the elliptical right next to mine, ignoring all the rows of empties, as usual, I noticed something glittery. I glanced down quickly and saw the ring!

Congratulations, Stinky Lady. You have managed to find a soul mate who can look past your inexplicable refusal to use even the most rudimentary form of body odor control, and love you anyway. The ring is nice too - platinum, nice sized rock. You go Stinks!

I rag on her, but you know, I think Stinky is probably a nice person. I'm also not worried about her reading the blog and recognizing herself because 1) total stranger; and 2) stinky people never actually realize they stink.

So Best wishes, Stinky Lady. This Bud's for you.

Chicago review and weekend recap

2008-09-16T05:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the Auburn football post was a little self-indulgent. I mean, how dare I use my own blog to vent or demonstrate my wide array of interests and analytical skills when I have an audience to think about. My apologies to all 3 of you.

Now, let's see. My Chicago adventure began when my only friend in Chicago, Marcel the Cab Driver, picked me up from my hotel at about 5:30 p.m. to spirit me away to the downtown wonderland. I had to take cabs everywhere, so I just kept calling Marcel because he was so nice and I learned so much from him.

A few fun facts Marcel taught me during our travels:

1) He is from Cameroon, Africa.

2) Cameroon is a republic, even though many countries in Africa are dictatorships. It is 75% Christian, and the other 25% of the population are mostly Muslim.

3) There are more than 250 languages spoken in Cameroon, mostly tribal languages, although the primary languages are French and English. It is pretty hot there, and Marcel has trouble with the cold weather in Chicago during the winter.

4) Marcel speaks four languages! French, English, his mother's tribal language, and his father's tribal language. If Marcel wants to converse with a fellow Cameroonian, his best shot is French or English, because they will probably not speak the same tribal language.

5) Marcel feels that everyone in the world should speak English. Interesting.

6) He thinks Auburn is Harvard. I didn't correct him.

I also didn't fact-check Marcel, ok, so if you find out any of the above is incorrect, sorry to have misinformed you about Cameroon.

Anyway, Marcel dropped me off at the Navy Pier. He thought this was the safest place for me to hang, as an unaccompanied female, and I must say I appreciated that. The Navy Pier has restaurants, shopping, a ferris wheel, and swings (!!!), which gave me a great view of the skyline.

I ventured into town a little bit but retreated back to the Navy Pier when the crowds started to die down and called Marcel to come get me. He took me on a little tour of the parts of the city I didn't get to see, then took me home. He charged me a flat rate both ways, so no, it didn't cost me extra. That is the first thing people ask me when I tell this story, as though my friend Marcel would rip me off. Whatev.

When I got back to town, I realized quickly that Tallahassee had deteriorated into a gas crisis. People were panicking for no reason and filling up their tanks. I had a half-tank so I stayed above the fray, but still, 80% of the gas in Tallahassee is gone. People. There better be some gas on Friday when I head to Pensacola or I'm really going to be pissed off at the stupidity.

The highlight of my weekend was when my friend Mary came to town! We went to happy hour, then to the American Legion hall with some friends to hear a band. We danced with old guys. Well, I did. Mary got shot down. We're pretty sure that old guy was just intimidated by her radiant beauty. Awww.

So that's it - sorry it wasn't Adventures in Babysitting or Ferris Bueller. The museums were closed and I didn't sing at a Blues Club while fleeing bad guys. Maybe next time.

A few thoughts.

2008-09-14T07:46:00.001-07:00

Well. Last night I watched the most painfully ugly Auburn game I have ever witnessed in my life. The score. Are you ready for this? The score was Auburn 3, Mississippi State 2. Wow. MSU got the two points because our center held in the end zone. It was a penalty that resulted in a safety for the other team. Otherwise we would have shut them out, 3-0. Woo hoo!

I want to say right off that I am so super proud of the defense. With the exception of a couple pass interference issues, they played fantastic. I'll take a pass interference call over a touchdown anyday, so I've made my peace with that.

The offense is a completely different story. They are trying to implement a "spread offense" and it's not going well. I mean, if having your pride decimated and spread all over the field for carrion to pick at is a spread offense, then we are killing it. Otherwise, we have some serious work to do.

Here is a list of things for Tommy Tuberville to accomplish before LSU completely destroys us next week.

1. Teach the QB to scramble. One of the nice things about a spread offense is that there are numerous vertical gaps to exploit, because the defense is spread thin around the field. He could have run the ball for several first downs but just kind of ran around confused. Work on that please. He has more options than just passing and handing off. Given his performance with these options, you'd think he'd want to explore the alternatives.

2. Teach the RBs to hang on to the ball!! I thought we were going to address this LAST WEEK after the FIVE fumbles against Southern Miss. Fumbling is never good, but Auburn fumbled last night at extremely crucial parts of the game. You people are trying to give me a heart attack.

3. Teach the offensive line when they are allowed to move on the line of scrimmage and when they are not. They clearly don't know. While you're at it, teach them the holding rule. They don't know that one either. WTF. Sugarbear knows those rules.

4. Find Al Borges and beg him to take us back.

5. There are oh so many more things to work on... play selection, kicking game, third down conversions, finding creative ways to get out of that contract with the new O.C., the list goes on.

Ok, I feel better after my diatribe. I just hate to see Auburn embarrass itself like that. If I didn't care, I wouldn't say anything. Hopefully they will work out a few kinks so we can at least get some touchdowns in future games, or at least make some kind of offensive showing.

On the bright side, a win is a win is a win, and we are 3-0, and 1-0 in SEC play. That sounds a lot better than the reality, though. Right now I am preparing myself for a long season. Sigh. Hey - at least I'm not in denial.

In other news, I'm back from Chicago safe and sound! I had such a great time wandering around the city Thursday night. I felt pretty safe too. As soon as the crowds started to dissipate, I packed it in and headed home. Chicago is a great city! I hope I get to go back soon.

Chicago!

2008-09-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

Hello world. And when I say "world," I mean the smattering of family members that read this blog. They're a great smattering though, a loyal one. So I'm in Chicago! I'm here on a marketing trip and so far so good! When they first scheduled me to go on this trip I thought I'd be flying on 9/11, but I'm not - only 9/10 and 9/12, so that's kind of a relief. I know people say that 9/11 is probably the safest day of the year to fly, but I just feel like it would be kind of strange in the airports.

The client I'm here to see sent a shiny black Lincoln Town Car to the airport to pick me up! That was cool. I felt like Oprah for a hot second. Then I found out it's actually cheaper to use the car service than to pay for a cab, so I realized that wasn't because I'm special at all. Well, my mom still thinks I'm special, so take that.

So tomorrow evening, after my work day, I'm venturing out into the city by myself. I don't want to go by myself, because I hear Chicago can be a scary place. (Remember "Adventures in Babysitting" ??) BUT I'm the only one on this trip and I don't have a buddy here. I came all the way up here and who knows when I'll be back. Is it really windy? I have to know! So, come hell or high water, my ass is soaking in this city tomorrow night. I won't be too late - my meetings end around 5:00 so I'll even still have a little sunlight.

It's really nice weather here. 70-ish degrees, clear, and breezy. The Chicagoans I have met have told me this is rare and exotic weather for Chicago so I need to take advantage of it. I brought a sweater, so I should be just fine. They also told me which parts of the city to hit and which to avoid, which I appreciate, because I'm down with staying alive and keeping my money. I actually have an arsenal of personal weaponry at home: a stun gun (from Gavin), pepper spray (from Carol), and a thing that emits a super-loud and shrill siren when you pull the string - kind of like a sound grenade (from Mom). Unfortunately I can't bring any of that stuff on the plane so I only have my wits to protect me. My problem is I'm too nice to strangers. Gavin says that is going to land me in someone's trunk one day, kicking out the tail lights. Well, no talking to strangers tomorrow. Aloof.

Well that's about it. I have to be up ass early tomorrow so I should turn in soon. Big day! I'll include a recap of everything, as always, when I return. Ta!